The "Dook's" Visit

It chanced upon an even in 1901, "Annfe Dominoe," that Romulus, a wielder of the pencil, and Remus, a scribe and pusher of the pen, did foregather at the sign of the "Maori and Pakeha," and, being a-thirst, did demand liquid sustenance, even mugs o' ale, the which they did quaff with exceeding gusto, and as the dreamsome sense of coma did entwine itself among their cerebral anatomy visions of exceeding magnitude did emanate therefrom. Again did they call the waiting-man, and demand more Chateau de Bass, upon which Romulus of the pencil did strike himself upon the brow, and spake words, yea, words of great portent, while the beer was yet upon him—

"Lo, doth not the heart's desire of his grandmother, even George of York, visit the great land nigh us, that of Kangaroos and Cornstalks, and do honour unto the Parliament which is Federal. Doth it not behove us to beseech him and his lady in comely speech to come unto our shores, and tarry for the space of a moon. Inasmuch as the wine will flow and the welkin will be made to ring and Maoriland be gladsome and gay like unto the lambkin frisking upon the green-sward."

The spirits of the twain, even Romulus and Remus, were now so much in the state that is elated that they considered and parleyed with themselves: "Yea, will not another mug give us a steadying of the nerve ere we incline our speech to the ear of one Dick the Miner?" Rightso, and they gat them outside yet another mug of ye goode olde barley mow and departed.

So travelled they apace coming unto the dwelling of Dick the Miner, and, clamouring loudly upon the door, in the road of Molesworth, did in good and knightly fashion demand speech therewith. Then came unto them with thun-

derous tread a mass of mighty magnitude, even Dick the Major Miner as it were, crying unto them, "What would ye with me?"

Then up spake he of the long jaw, even Remus the Scribe, "We have that for thine ear which must come to no other man. Invite us within thy dwelling, and over a cup of wine right merrily will we impart knowledge of great worth."

Then passed they within, and glasses clinked and the welkin was made to ring with the boisterousness of their mirth and the laying forth of their projects. Loudly did they extol their scheme, the pomp and splendour of which was to be as no man hath gazed upon.

Now, Romulus, sitting nigh unto the ale-mug of Dick, did fall into a reverie, and whilst in the reverie did quaff even his host's beer. And Remus, fearing the spoiling of good drink, did even drain the jug, at which did Dick wax wroth, for is it not a saying of despisery in the province of Lancashire, "Sup his ale."

Right, so Dick did call his valets and henchmen, who with great vehemence laid hands upon the twain, and upon the shortest tarrying on record did fling them through the gateway of the dwelling into the pavement of the byways.

Thereat did the Scribe and he of the pencil gather up filth and hurl it at the portal, "For," said they one to the other, "Hath he not our secret? And, verily, will he not take the kudos of the invitation and the merry-making unto himself? and do we not get left every time?"

And they smote themselves sore, and liftedup their voices in great anger—" Marry come up by hilt and point and Gadzooks!"

Quoth Romulus, "Hie us to the printer, yea, he of ink and press, and set forth unto him our despite, that the populace may know who hath of a verity invited George of York to our shores, and reading, may, of their own wit, judge who is deserving of the just reward, which is to the man of intellect as the tail is to the ass."

Hereinbelow followeth not only the true setting of the mighty project, but the doings, comings, and junketings of He and his Lady of York, as advised and set forth by Romulus and Remus, for the one of us are both alike, even as the rose is to the stalk.

Exit from the House of Seddon

Then came into them with thunderous tread a mass of mighty magnitude even dick the major miner as it were saying "what would ye with me?"