Salient Notes

Peter Beach walked, nonchalantly into the Salient office, and was shot in the flank with a tranquillizer dart. As he examined it somewhat incredulously a large tiger net descended from the ceiling, enveloping him in cascades of rather unbecoming fishnet. "Christ!" he exclaimed, "first bloody NZUSA and now this...what is the world coming to!" Virginia Adams smirked, and proceeded to bundle the already unconscious tiger into a steel reinforced cage fashioned from part of the store of empty bottles. Inside the cage he discovered, in various attitudes of despair, his faithful henchmen, Geoff Adams, Stephen A'Court and Mark Wilson. Fergus Barrowman, rattling his chaims and trying vainly to loosen his thumbscrews, he was licking an empty bottle. It was a pitiful sight.

Meanwhile, Virginia stepped across to make her report to the CO. "Mission accomplished sir" The Generalissimo, Tori (see it my way) Quade, accepted the news with a modest war whoop, "right" she said, "sound the appel" and her regimental trumpeter Leonie Morris played a rousing chorus of 'We shall overcome'. It was rather spoiled by the fact that she had forgotten the words, but it produced the desired effect, for in the time it takes to say 'fucking sexist bastard' the troops were assembled.

Tori's heart lept at the sight. "Now hear this...the time has come for we women to take our right place in the the world. Your first task is the production of this newspaper. You have been breifed: it is now time to commence the final phase. Women .... to work." Immediately the willing workers dispersed, some towards the light table, some to the files, some to the typewriters. Soma Millet, (no relation to Kate), copy in hand, a blue pencil behind her ear, was overseeing the layout operation. Veronica Harrod, entertaining visions of a career in journalism, demonstrated the finer points of scalpel work, whilst Helen Aikman designed a page as no one has ever designed one before. Paulette Keating and Pan Edwards buried themselves in piles of old broadsheets looking for graphics that could be recycled. Ann Elborn, chewing the end of a biro, was in the throes of creating a literary masterpiece, somewhat disturbed by the pitiful moaning sounds coming from the tiger's cage.

Observing her distress, Kathryne Fleming disentangled herself from several yards of lettraline and advanced gingerly towards [unclear: the] animal. "Be careful!" warned Robyn [unclear: wood] "Here — give him this", and she flung a piece [unclear: o] raw meat through the bars. All hell broke [unclear: loose] inside the cage, and Robyn stepped back [unclear: rapidly] tripping over the inert form of Barry [unclear: Weeber] which had been lying there since his [unclear: entrance] some hours ago, when Jessica Wilson [unclear: and] Lamorna Rogers, had rather overdone it with [unclear: the] tranquillizer guns.

Joanne Tuffield, words, sentences, [unclear: and] pictures stuck all over her visage, peered [unclear: af] Marcia Browne, Yvonne Weeber, [unclear: Caroline] Massof and Lorraine Wilson who appeared to [unclear: be] engaged in some sort of group therapy [unclear: or] consciousness raising. Gradually, she [unclear: perceived] that they were actually engaged in the [unclear: pleasant] past time of proof-reading.

Suddenly, from outside the office came [unclear: the] sounds of whistles, rattles and [unclear: (rather] incongrously) a flute being played [unclear: backwards.] The door burst open, and in rushed Grant [unclear: Gillat] and Andrew Ross, closely followed by [unclear: Andew] Beach clutching an upsidedown flute. "[unclear: Standby] to repel boarders!" screamed Rire [unclear: Scotney,] aware of impending doom. [unclear: Demonstrating] incredible presense of mind, she grabbed [unclear: a] teresa-gun and cut down the attackers with [unclear: a] spray of bullets. Reinforcements, in the form [unclear: of] Simon Wilson and Jonathon Taylor (still [unclear: upset] about being left out last week) were soon on [unclear: the] scene, but theirs was a lost cause. Seeing how [unclear: the] land lay, Simon, holding Jonathon in front [unclear: of] him as a shield, tried to beat a hasty retreat. Fortunately, Virginia, humming in the best Gilbert and Sullivan tradition 'make the punishment fit the crime' was able to block his exit, stabbing him treacherously in the back with the new ruler.

It was a hideous death, and Simon succeeded in strangling Jonathon in the process. When he finally stopped twitching, there was a shocked silence, interrupted only by a pitiful sobbing, emulating from the tiger's cage. The women looked at each other. Within, they were beginning to wonder if they might not have overdone it. So as a concession, they decided to let Peter Beach out of the cage, and, under very trying conditions, he edited Salient, which was published by VUWSA, and printed by Wanganui Newspapers Ltd, Drews Ave, Wanganui.

Progressive Students' Alliance

Meeting to discuss elections and future activities. Tuesday: 18th September, 12.00, Lounge.

SPUC and Working Womens' Alliance

Speakers at Suffrage Day forum. Theme: "International Year of the Child." Day: Wednesday Sept. 19th

Time: 12.00

Place: Union Hall.

Progressive Students Alliance.