Case Study 4 — 29 Year Old Polytechnic Student

My reaction to being pregnant was one of unnutterable, uncontrollable panic. I assumed I would have to go to Australia, but my GP persuaded me that, given a family history of mental instability, and the fact that I had taken a drug which could affect the normality of the foetus, I should try to get a termination in Dunedin. Accoringly he gave me the name of a practising Psychologist — a woman who was also a certifying consultant — also that of a certifying gynaecologist.

The next five days while I waited to see the psychologist were filled with anxiety and anger. Anger against my body for acting against my best interests, anger against the IUD I'd been using which had let me down, anger against the system for making it so hard in every way to be a woman.

When I did get to see the psychologist she told me that I would have to convince her that I needed an abortion. Accordingly I worked myself into a state where I almost believed I'd go mad if I had to go through with a pregnancy. The play acting in the end almost became real. I degraded myself to the extent of convincing her that I was an imperfect being, a jibbering neurotic, pitiful idiot, unfit to give birth or be a mother. But I had to do it. I was presenting my case in Court and I was my own lawyer.

The visit to the gynaecologist was better. He was simply matter of fact, took down a few simple details, examined me and said I'd hear from the hospital in a few days. The few days stretched out into a week, and I was finally admitted.

I found that I had to spend a whole day in the hospital before they conducted the abortion. This day I suppose should have been spent in consideration and reconsideration, but I was just waiting. In the bed next to me was another termination case, but we didn't find out about each other till later. In that ward you had to be cautious. The attitude of the nurses and sisters was impeccable and detached. They just didn't want to know, and I preferred it that way.

About a month later I was holding someone's six week baby in my arms and thinking with a sort of wonder "I could have had one of these" but there was little pain in the thought. I'd made my decision and for me it was the only one. The real pain for me in getting an abortion was the unnecessary stress, anxiety and humiliation which it seems one has to go through in this country in order not to have an unwanted child.