Aardvarks as Social Revolutionaries?

My Press Secretary informs me that you are not Simon Walker so it seems fairly safe to write to you. Let me congratulate you on your wonderfully perceptive and pertinent criticism of the Labour Party. It is a job to behold such wisdom in one so young—it makes me proud to be a New Zealander.

However one of my wonderfully clean cut guardians of democracy happened to be on campus and he collected a copy of Salient to read during the long lonely hours of surveillance on dangerous radicals, potential lefties and other citizens of our wonderful country. When this paper found its way into my hands I was appalled at what I read.

Firstly criticisms of the S.I.S.—this patriotic group of young people preserves democracy from mis-guided elements within our society.

The effectiveness and integrity of such organisations which are above the law has been proven countless times in countries such as Chile and South Africa.

Secondly Aardvark sex. This is not only unnatural, but it also relegates women to the workforce as their place in the bedroom is taken by lust crazed Aardvarks. As these women are forced into the workforce they become unemployed and we do not have sufficient money to pay them all the dole so cut out encouraging Aardvark sex.

As the law now stands Aardvark abortions are legal however this will soon change and all Aardpeople will be dealt with accordingly.