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SMAD. An Organ of Student Opinion. 1936. Volume 7. Number 5.

Athletics or Heed Eade

Athletics or Heed Eade

"You'll find him on the cricket groundany night between five and seven," said the Editor "Just bowl up and talk to him quite naturally. Don't let him know you're from 'Smad' if you can help it."

This sounded easy money. Accordingly, the next evening I bowlup and accosted a young man watching the activities with his hands in his pockets.

"Could you tell me where Icould find Mr Eade?" I whispered.

"Don't you know him?" he said, with characteristic University politeness. "Over there in the green jersey."

I looked in the direction he was pointing. In the far corner of the ground a lonelyfigure was hurling a pointed stick in the air and running after it with shrieks of glee. I gazed inhorror for a few minutes, but plucking up my courage (Bertie!) I strolled over towards him, trying cunningly to look like a man out for an evening stroll. As I approached, one of the sticks whizzed past my head, accompanied by a fiedish yellof joy from the worthy Mr. Eade.

"By Jove! I nearly got you that time," he cried.

"Yes. Very nearly," I said. "A trifle short, I fear."

He was a charming figure, simply but expensively dressed in a pair of scanties—masculine edition—and a well-ventilated chemise. (You know boys: "The winds and the breezes. . .") Underneath his well-cut cotton shorts. . . but I am forgetting, girls. . . you must apply to Mr. Eade for the rest.

"What are the prospects?" I said, obviously.

"Didn't you know?" he said, "the prospects are rotten." this sounded just a little gloomy, but I persevered, and he went on.

"In the sprints we have Freeman, Bowie and Oram. Good, but not good enough. Bowie, however, should take the sprint hurdles easily enough. Clark might get a place in the 440. If he runs."

This was the style I liked. Crisp and to the point. But apparently his well had dried up. I cursed the unfortunate Mr. Clark. But he was off again.

"In the half-mile Black might do some good. . ."

"Boot," I murmured—a bad error of tactics, as I saw afterwards.

"Boot. Yes Well, one Never Knows," he said cryptically. "No," I said obediently, "One Doesn't, Does One"

"Then in the mile and three mile, O'Connor might do Something. But Boot. . ." He hurried on to the next.

"Birks should go very close to winning the walk. . . yes, very close indeed . . . very, very close . . ."

He chewed over the phrase lovingly. I copied it down and showed it to him. Things brightened up a little.

"Our jumpers are a poor lot. Taken all in all they're a poor lot." His bosom heaved My bosom heaved. We both heaved together.

"But count on it," he cried, "Victoria will do herbest!"

"She will," I said grinding my teeth and thrusting out my stomach.

We shook hands, and he ran off, throwing his stick in front of him and uttering shrill yelps to encourage it.

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