Black(er) Mail

or

An Edwardian Fairy Story

Once upon a time there lied a prominent (very) figure of a certain football club who cast his eyes in the direction of a certain maiden. Not being a very good "forward" fellow in these matters he devised a scheme by which be could "sell the dummy" to this maiden, and decoy her into his power. For the bait he was going to use was an unsuspecting fellow member, who seemed to be an old hand at this type of play.

The plan was this. The U.F.M. (unsuspecting fellow member) was to stand at the bottom of the stairs at eight pip-emma and engage the aforesaid maiden in conversation. In a little while the P.F. (prominent figure) was to stroll up, be introduced to the damsel, after which the U.F.M. was to remove himself from the "field of play." After this had been explained to him the U:F.M. "hooked" away home to sleep and pray over his foul deed. After a terrible night the U.F.M. wished to have nothing to do with it and so keep his soul pure, but, on the other hand, he realised noble fellow that he was, that sacrifices must be made in this life.

"For," he said, "good Christian manual work I have done for many a friend, but never before have I acted as a decoy for such a fellow as this whose soul is blacker than the shades of night itself!"

So as planned the noble-hearted U.F.M. "hooked" the maiden in the approved style and kept her enthralled with reminiscences of his life as a toreador, all the time vainly searching for the P.F. but no P.F. came—he had actually left his friend in the lurch and gone to some place of amusement in town. Finally this gallant U.F.M.' had to make some lame escuse and leave her for he had other appointments to keep. So this fair maiden stood, dear reader, for-saken and alone, like—

"—Ruth, when sick for home, She stood in tears among the alien corn."

The cricket club has commenced practices. Last Saturday, there was a good attendance at St Patrick's College, and a successful season should follow if the present keenness is maintained.