The Proud Father.

"I am about to give birth to a child," he said modestly, "It's weight is some £12/15oz./2 penny-weight The auditor has given it a birth certificate; mother and child doing nicely." The audience was so stunned by this unprecedented piece of maternal enthusiasm, that it couldn't question the figures of Mr. Aimers' baby. Anyway, as Aimers explained, the treasurer couldn't understand the auditors' figures so the balance sheet would have to be taken as read. So, on the motion of Mr. Edwards, the baby was adopted.

An election followed, the best feature of which was a mannequin parade of the candidates (female) on the stage, and Mr. Scott. Note. —Mr. Scott was not a candidate.

It was in response to popular request that Mr. Scott took the stage. No wild horses dragged him, but Messrs. Tahiwi and Sellers led him gently and firmly.

The scrutineers reported that Misses Crombie, Edwards and Harkness had been elected to fill the vacant places on the committee. Mr. Edwards as chairman, Miss Tossman as vice-chairman, Mr. Aimers as secretary, Miss Gallaher as treasurer and three committee-men had already been elected unopposed.

The first play reading to be held with the handsome new drapes was the first act of John Hastings Turner's "Lilies of the Field." The audience was pleased to note that Mr. Sellers had given up his banditry and become a vicar; the reading also introduced some promising new-comers to the stage in Mss Jean Coombs and Miss Shortall. Everybody was sorry that the play was cut short after the first act. Give us more, Dramatic Club!