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Victoria University College Capping Programme 1931

An Open Letter to Mr. H. E. Holland, M.P

page 36

An Open Letter to Mr. H. E. Holland, M.P.

Dear Sir,—

I have heard with regret that you say
Prof Murphy's conceptions are furlongs away
From those of the pundits whom Labour adores,
From Fraser's, from Lang's and from Ted Theodore's.
You further remarked in your generous way
Our Barney at College would never have sway,
If Labour was lord in New Zealand to-day.

Now, if holding the House with a Labourite host,
You wished to fulfil this astonishing boast,
I ask with great interest who would you find
To fill the position the Prof. left behind?
From Labourite speakers from East to West Coast
To choose the right fellow to fill up his post,
Would puzzle the brain-apparatus of most.

So, may I suggest, if the time you can spare,
That Barney's old job should be under your care.
You'd teach economics as Marx has portrayed it,
And tell the young country how Forbes has betrayed it,
By saying reductions in wages are fair,
While Socialist schemes you could grandly compare
To give the poor devils who starve free-hot air.

And if 'tis the wicked old Prof, that you'd sack,
There's two or three more we would willingly lack,
So give us dear Walter de Nash for our Law,
And Semple for classics we'd simply adore;
And then we would feel we were on the right track,
With Fraser and Semple and Nash at our back.

And over the Tasman great thinkers we see
Now teaching Australia the way to be free;
In Maths we would learn with their Ted Theodore
How twenty plus twenty makes millions or more;
Then Scullin the Dean of Rail-Sitting would be,
While Lang to take Contracts we all would agree
Would make the dull subject full worthy the fee.

Good-bye! Mr. Holland, we'll see you up here,
As soon as the Country can pay your tram-fare,
Victoria welcomes your friends in advance,
Her high reputation you'll surely enhance,
And lend to her, learning and wisdom most rare;
And under your guidance and masterful care
The College will follow the State—God knows where!