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The Spike or Victoria College Review June 1930

The Worship Of Guy

page 7

The Worship Of Guy

Portion of an account translated with great difficulty from writings on two coping stones, several pieces of plaster, and a partly burned floor of one of the temples of wisdom of a strange Island race, believed to have been portion of a once great Empire.

Notes have been furnished where the text is difficult. A further book is in preparation dealing with the manners and customs of this race, from which these notes are taken.

—Ed.

". . . and there was great tribulation for the hour was at hand when the sheep should be sorted from the goats and many bent their heads over tomes kept in the Sanctuary of the Dumb,1 which is at the north end of the Temple called ......oria....,2 striving to acquire wisdom that they might be numbered with the sheep. Psychologists3 have told us that the mind overburdened is apt to crack. Therefore was it pardonable that the event should have occurred which I now narrate. A celebration of olden times has been handed to us by our foolish forefathers that the memory of one Guy should be perpetuated with loud noises and burning of effigies. Now it has also been said that as the antidote to noise is silence so the remedy for the burden of silence is noise.4 Thus was it communed by many within themselves and they did resolve each one separately to bow down before the Guy of their forefathers that they might be relieved of their heavy burden of all too silent wisdom, so permitting in the mind no serious crevice to open. Upon the evening of the day of celebration lo! the Sanctuary of the Dumb was rent in twain by noise so that many looked in wonderment. And the Guardian of the Silence rose more in sorrow than in anger and declared that there should be silence or would he cast forth all from within the hallowed walls and lock the gates. But the spirit of a devil lurked there and there was greater sound—and his command to withdraw was disobeyed. Then did the Guardian inscribe upon tablets the nomen, praenomen, cognomen and in reverence let it be said sometimes the non-nomen of all who sat within the walls, which still did echo back the unwonted sounds. Aye, even some forty appellations was he compelled to inscribe.

And also between this command for silence and the closing of the halls of learning the sounds of combustion within the Temple were continued and the Guardian of the Hall was at much pains running quickly from place to place as if to seek the reason for such mirth and hilarity as appeared on the faces of those present. Yea did he verily skip and jump in his guardianship of the decorum of the Hall. Finally did the tumult and the shouting die,5 the censers swung no longer, the temple lights shone no more, and silence settled upon the sacred buildings as a welcome shroud.

Upon the morrow was much consulting, for the High Priests of the Temple sought from the Guardians of the Sanctuary and of the Hall appellations and likenesses of such disturbers that they might be apprehended and brought to justice. Whereat were the Guardians much disturbed. Firstly the Guardian of the Sanctuary could find many names but few were upon the books of the Temple—great is the perfidy of man and, with shame let it be said, of woman also. Secondly, so great had page 8 been the concourse that verily the Guardian of the Hall could not name them. But here was recompense. For though he knew not all, yet he knew some, and straightway was he commanded to tell amongst those whom he knew who should be to blame. Which thing was done, albeit with head-scratchings and other signs of forgetfulness. Nevertheless the lists were compiled but of so many, very few were the names thereon. And the High Priests said unto the Scribe,6 "Let tablets be sent to these men and to these women also. And also let all whom the Guardian of the Hall accuses be sent tablets also. They shall appear before us and we shall make enquiry." And it was so.

The day was appointed and the chosen came. And they who abided in the Sanctuary of the Dumb against the word of the Guardian thereof said, "Yea, it was even so, and we did this thing, but we plead that it was no great fault. Many are they who require that the Sanctuary should yield up its wisdom and shall it be said that they shall not gather the sheaves thereof? For the noise was one thing and the order of the Guardian was another." And the High Priests nodded their heads; then the Chief Priest spoke saying, "Herein was indeed no grave fault, but never must such things come to pass any more"; and the men and the maidens were dismissed.

Then was call made upon those of whom the tablets of the Guardian of the Hall spoke, and they denied their guilt saying: "Many are the ones who were present—yea, and verily were we among them—but we are few. We are the scapegoats of the multitude, and make protest. Let the High Priests prove that we are guilty of the charge. We say we did no wrong."

And the High Priests deliberated among themselves and being in doubt asked questions of each accused, but the answer was the same. Then was there great deliberation among the Priests and they called into their presence the Guardian of the Hall who was known as "Little water which runs to the River"7 and he spake of the great disturbance and of his hurrying and scurrying and of the noise and the jocularity. Questions were asked of him concerning the persons charged and he answered, saying, "Not one of them can I say that I saw doing these acts. Present were they and laughing, but only one can I identify, and he is not here. Yet I say that these persons were the chief votaries of the worship of Guy, and that thing I affirm with fortitude." And this was all that could be found regarding the worship, even the Guardian of the Hall being utterly unable to make good the accusation.

But the High Priests were wrathful. Yea they mumbled in their beards and their voices rumbled from their waistcoats8 and they declared that such things were iniquitous. All the more angry were they that they stood before a wall of brick, which they themselves had made, and found there no gate. And they said, "We are omnipotent; we are the Great Ones: it is we who stand before the dumb ones and give forth the Wisdom: we will punish these ones of ours, who dare come before us without bowing, and assert their rights. Let them be mulcted in the sum of five avoirdupois."9

page 9

There was in the land a Great Council and before it the accused ones laid petition, saying, "The charge was not proved, rather was it disproved, and yet we are mulcted. We ask for redress." And notice of this was brought to the High Priests and they quaked in their shoes, and their socks trembled, for they knew of their wrong-doing. They said to the ones who were wronged, "If you do not this thing we will reduce your punishment to one-tenth, that being for your presence in the disturbance, and for none else. What say you?"

The ones who were wronged were young and their hearts swelled with goodness, and they saw that the High Priests were ancient and that they must not be confounded too utterly lest it prove too great a shock, and they agreed (hiatus in the plaster inscription here) great mirth was in the land after that time; and honour was given secretly to the Chief Priest, for it was he who suggested how the thing might be done. But for the others whose smiles and words were denied by their actions was no honour done (hiatus caused by burn) this and many other things have I written who have seen the workings of the wicked and the Counsels of friends. Tomorrow may I treat of the Elected Body (which name is most correct for it has no head)—those whom the people of the Temple elect to guide their business.

—Inscribed this day of commemoration by Alpha Beta.10

1 It is thought that this refers to the oath of silence imposed on those who studied in this part of the building.

2 Probably short for "Gloria" or "beautiful." sometimes called "Swanson."

3 Strange theorists who believed they knew the workings of the human mind and intellect, and therefore all things In heaven and earth. This seems, of course, to us a strange claim, but appears to have been quite common at this time.

4 From the writings of Platypus (or the duck-billed), a savant who dabbled in the psychological theories.

5 This is a plagiarism from a famous author of that time known as "Kinglip," who. strangely enough, once rebuked a queen.

6 The keeper of the Books of Record, and the Taker of Money.

7 These people often had names of things we describe more accurately.

8 An article of clothing worn under the coat or top covering-often showing the protruberance of success.

9 We recognise thin as a weight only. Seemingly they regarded It as money. We, of course, know it only as a sign of money.

10 Taken from the Greek alphabet. Means A.B. May have been the subject of a song known about that time.