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The Spike: or, Victoria University College Review, September, 1922

(4) The Women's Vice-President

(4) The Women's Vice-President.

"If it takes a Professor and four mathematics students thirty days to make a model of an icosahedron projected into the fourth dimension, how many x's will a y's student incur in arranging the Sydney Footballers' Dance?…"

The lady was soliloquising. Far be it from me to interrupt the tender dreams of youth, and for a moment I paused irresolute. At the same moment—it must have been a Bolshevist germ from the Russian Relief clothing—something caught in my throat, and I coughed. Immediately the soliloquy ceased, and a seraphic smile of sunshine seemed to Light upon the room.

"Oh, there you are then!" said the seraph, "I've been expecting you. You're from 'The Spike,' aren't you. Fine invigorating little mag.—reminds me of 'The Girls' Own Paper.' Well, I suppose I have to tell you all about myself.

"The chief passion of my life has always been mathematics. When I was very, very small," she sighed, "I knew all those pretty songs about five little nigger-boys and ten little dicky-birds. I was so fond of the counting in them. I used to go to all the football matches and add up all the 'Varsity scores; I knew all about Balaam's ass because he was in the Book of Numbers and I did low cheques and things for the figures on them. I still like checks," she added wittily.

"As T grew older I found the craze got gradually worse. I would buy a dozen speckled oranges, and work out the latitude and longitude of every speck. I tried to plot the graph of a saveloy revolving in the air…"

I had intended to ask some questions about making Carnival costumes and how one might stop out late from the Women's Hostel, but unfortunately it was four o'clock and I was led to understand that the seraphic smile then bestowed itself on Mrs. Brook's tea-room.