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The Spike: or, Victoria College Review Capping Carnival 1921

Act II. — Germany

page 11

Act II.


Scene:—A spare room of the Imperial Palace at Strassburg. Three Rubens (kindly loaned by the Ocean Bay Accident, Fitzgerald Eager Esq.,) adorn the walls. Numerous bits of statuary, mostly broken, lie about the floor. A marble faun, exquisitely designed, by Praxiteles, is behind the stage. It is not visible. A grand piano, made by Rogers and Sons, is on left. The dais is in centre background. Candelabras a la Versailles, furniture Louis Seize;

Caste of Characters.

The Great i am (poet, painter, sculptor, musician, playwright and philosopher) A. C. Mazengarb

"Poor old Yorick. 'e was a good old cove."

— Shakespeare (from memory)

Alf Hill (of the Lower Rut) R. Gapes

";I would rather hear a dog when he bayed at the moon than this scrape on the belly of a kitten."

— Maxims—of Martin-Smith.

Chopin (a lost soul) F. Warner

"A wandering ministrel I........."

—Mr. J.J. Sullivan.

Verbrughen (a genius, Australian variety) W. Pringle

"Semitones and sodas! Fiddles and Fizz!

They put us in carriages and treated us

like a travelling circus."

—Extracts from letter to Bernard Page.

Wagner (a composer) V. Ross

"His pendulous stomach hangs a-shaking."

—Rupert Brooke.

Theo. Tresize (A Terpsichorean treat) A. Free

"Beautiful star with the crimson mouth,

Oh moon with the brows of gold."

—Oscar Wilde.

Charles Wilson (a newspaper scribe) L. A. Riddell

"Give a man a pipe he can't smoke.

Give a man a meal he can't eat;

And his home he'll fright with his language bright,

Though the room be dull and neat."

—Stodart Walker

Siegfried Eicrelbaum (A Swiss milk chocolate) C. G. Kirk

"And since he's jolly company and knows

what good fare means,.

"Unless you give him Bacon you mustn't

give him beans."

—G. K. Chesterton.

Frank Morton (a wolf-scarer, Prince of Petone) B. Egley

"What can such needy wretches do but die

Standing against the purposes of Kings "

—John Masefield.

Thomas Bracken (a hayseed) C. Moss

"What will the harvest be"

—Psalm OVI.

Zora Cross (a Christian) Miss M. Milesi

"You loved me and you loved mo not,

A little, much, and overmuch."

—C. A. Swinburne

Oscar Wilde (a fleur-de-lys)

He picks from our platters the plums for the puddings, he peddles in the provinces.

—James McNeil Whistler.

Fraulein Von Imit (the Kaiser's daughter). Miss D. Bailey

"Methinks she is a comely frau

Getting her trousseau God know's how."

—"Sayings of Walter Sheat."

page 13

1. Trio.

(Air—"Three Little Maids.")

Wagner, Verbrugghen and Hill.

The Three:
Three great, musicians here you see,
Bumptions as ever we ran be;
Pictured and posing incessantly,
Three great musicians we,


Mine is the great gotterdammerung.


(The name of his father, who was hung.)

Verbruggen: Pardon our Alfred's slip of the tongue.

Wag, and Verbrug.:

He's a musician too.

Hill: I'm a musician too.

One musician's a blighted Hun and
One is an over-baked Belgian bun, and
One from a suburb of Wellington


The Three:.

Three great musicians, we.


I' am always trying new tonal tricks,


And Australasian tours I fix.


While at the "Triad" I hurl great bricks.

The Three:

Three great musicians, we.


To me music's a cause for joy.


You can't bare run a state hand, my boy.


And you've not heard my Waiati Poi."

The Three:

Three great musicians, we.

One was an over-worked Tenton mutt —and
One's a conductor who's now gone fut, and
One was born in the Lower Rutt—so

The Three:

Three great musicians, we.

2. Quartette.

(Air—Yo-ho, Little Girl!)

Wilde, Tresizes, Wilson and Bracken.

I've wandered the whole world over twice,
And I've never been cheeked before,
Though I've gambled with fate and loaded dice,
And mastered the slippery floor.

I've lived lean in Limehouae and out and about.
And never encountered a frown,
Though I've lived in an attic in artistic style.
And eluded the landlord's every wile,
Till I came to this miserable town.


Till he came to this miserable town.


Here's a bally quandary.

For 'tis plain as plain can be,
That if Oscar's right,
Then our Theo's wrong.


Let us have a fight.


Is it dance or song?


Fist it out, my hearties,
And tight as they fought of old,

And prove who is true,
Our little boy blue,
Or the lad with the brow of gold.

page 14

I'm the author of many word perfect books,
And the Father of great Salome,
And though I would buck at Maud Allen gadzooks,
Don't think I'm a metronome;
No one who engaged me in argument
But was stoushed with an epigram.
The "Importance of Being Earnest's" fine,
And "Dorian Gray" is mine, all mine,
So for him I don't care a damn.


For him he cares not a damn.

Here's a beastly mystery,
For its quite, quite plain to see
That if Oscar's It,
Then our Theo's not.

But my young Tom-tit,
All this talk is rot.

Fight it out my hearties,
There's nought to compare with a fight,
And we'll see who is the dub.


Terpsichore's cub Or the Moon of my Delight.

3. Solo.

Theo. Tresizes:
I am a dancing master gay,
Butterfly flitting from day to day.
Just look in my eye.


Just look in his eye.

All the nice people their homage pay,
All of the hall-room beneath my sway.

He's Theo Tresize.
He's Theo Tresize.

For I was christened Theo you see,
It means Theodore between you and me);
If you Would foxtrot. I'll shew you what's what;
You'll learn to twist.
Like Theo Tresize,

(Chorus repeat.)
I laid the foundations of Goring Street,
Saved your young maidens from boredom sweet.

Did Theo Tresize.
Did Theo Tresize.

Auckland enlisted my timely aid,
And to the Davis a trip I made!

Oh, many the cries.
For Theo Tresize.

All tepischorean tumbles I know,
All that's in Heaves and all below:
From Polka to prancing there's nothing in dancing
Unknown alone
To Theo Tresize.

(Chorus repeat.)
As a producer I won great fame,
All that's artistic is in my name; Byes!
(Boys in an Irish idiom.)

There aren't any flies
On Theo Tresize.

All of them love me whose blood is blue,
Gaze on my autographed picture, you! Guys!

He's Theo Tresize.
He's Theo Tresize

For I improved the old foxtrot so,
Found a new onestep that's all the go
(I say that it's Spanish, hut it might be Danish),
For as I can tell you
Your Theo Tresize.

page 15

or he, you see, is Theo Tresize,
and once his name blared to the skies
at now-a-day the cabarets
much too full for Theo Tresize.


(Air—"If: you Look in Her Eyes.")


roamed this way from over the seas
from far Archipelagoes:
played the candle in Kingdoms of Greece,
and Mary in "Mary Rose."
[unclear: ve] acted Hamlet many a time,
[unclear: t] after dinner snooze;
[unclear: ut] now I chase the wild-cat rhyme,
[unclear: nd] dip deep in praise of booze.

[unclear: ad] is the lot of a Morton,
[unclear: oses] and rue and ruth;
[unclear: h] if my name'd been Norton,
[unclear: ow] I'd have told the truth!
would have penned no word of Journalese,
[unclear: r] of chimpanzeeze,
[unclear: or] of Diction'ries;
[unclear: ad] is the lot of a Morton,
[unclear: Oh], for my vanished youth!

When I was young I felt very sure
The world would resound my name.
That my message would long endure,
Written in words of flame;
But Whistler now. alas, feels no more,
And Lindsay I know I am not;
Sad the heart and dreary and sore.
The maudlin Morton's lot.

Bad is the life of a jotter.
Worse it grows from day today;
Now if I had been a potter,
Thumping at his wet clay,
I would have written not a sonnet,
Bought not a bonnet,
Take my word on it.
Sad is the life of a jotter,
With printer's devils to pay.

5. "Vacation Time."

Let's all be merry,
The weather's fine—very
And before long
We'll burst into song.
Ireland is rising,
Exams are surprising,
And prices will fall before long:
Stokers and stewards working,
Watersiders are not,

Let's all be gay,
Happy to-day;
Who knows that vieu rose will be worn in May.
Dons and Donlets group around.
Raise your voices—
We have no more early lectures
To Roman Law,
Give the "Haw, Haw"!
Philos in Kolynos may be drowned,
To freedom we're winging.
With voices a-ringing,
Vacation Time has come round.

Te Aro House—The Well Known Corner.