Cast of Characters.

Mack Sennett (a photographer)

A.C. Mazengarb

"Give me comedy. Since Shakespeare's day more than a thousand actors have played Hamlet. No wonder he is crazy "—H. L Mencken:

Joliffe (a sensible censor)

W. Pringle

"A censor incensed is in no sense essential." —Havelock Ellis.

Bernard Shaw (a creation of Shakespeare's)

L.R. Riddell

"A young man does not need a university education to be an ass nowadays." —C. Q. Pope.

Ro-Binson Cru-So (the bridegroom to be)

C. Gamble

"Robinson Crusoe, the millionaire.
He wouldn't have wine or wife.
He couldn't endure complexity:
He lived the simple life.

W. W. Jacobs (an alcoholic medium)

R. A. Tonkin

"Eliza Smith always hated me
Because I told better lies than he did
And so he trapped me and tickled me to
death with a hay-rick."
—Spoon Fed Anthology,

Miss Faber-Smith (a seminary sempstress)

Miss F. Cameron

"A very multiplicity of clipped negations." —The unpublished works of Charles Wilson.

Algernon Charles Swinburne (a poet)

B Egley

"His soul was conscious of "something missing"
Which neither clothes could give, nor kissing."
—I. L. G. Sutherland.

Mrs Sticket (a social event)

Miss M. Willcocks

"She walks, the lady of my delight
A shepherdess of sheep".
—Alice Meynell.

Lulu Sticket (her daughter, a victim of blood)

Miss Nancy Wilson

"In times like these, unchaperoned of skinny ma,
Our finished daughters seek the darkling kinema."
—Gilbert Frankau

Constable O'Flynn (her drunken father)

P. J. Smith

"A little boy bound up in blue.
Who's fond, as they all are, of snoozing,
In fact—just between me and you—
He's not above quietly boozing."

"Songs I have seen in the Spike."