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The Spike: or, Victoria College Review Capping Carnival 1920

Act IV

Act IV.

Opening Chorus

Once on a time, when men came dining
There was no great fuss made:
If one, a lover, had been pining,
Your place was next him laid.
A hundred things you mentioned to him,
But not one thing he'd wish,
And your side glance would quite undo him,
As he'd refuse each dish.
But just one little kiss and then,
Oh, what a difference you make, you men!

Chorus:
We have to hustle—ustle—ustle—ustle,
Hustle some more
Than we've before;

We've got to step around and look quite lively;
We have to bustle—ustle—ustle—ustle,
We have to hustle—ustle—ustle—ustle.

Why, why,
We have to fly.
We have to fly;

We want to wear nice frocks, for see,
We have some men come to tea!

In those old days when men were pleasing,
You played around a lot;
page 30 You sometimes tried your hand at teasing;
Sometimes you thought you'd not.
But when a chance came for flirtation.
You seldom passed it by;
That pastime has exhilaration
With which nothing can vie.
Just one little kiss, and then.
Oh what a difference you make, you men!

How we Put Them in Their Place.

Nigh a hundred years ago.
We had men to run the show,
In their titivating way.
And of course the womenfolk
Weren't allowed to swear or smoke,
Only honour and obey.
Then, like Kaa in Kipling's Jungle,
Sprang the War, and what a bungle
Of it all the stern sex made.
So the She Club at the College
Ceased to scrub and stir their porridge,
And their slogan on parade
Was: Come, won't you come to Parliament?
Come and teach them why they're sent.
So the women won the war,
And our Lady Nance Astor
Was the first to top the poll.
Then Miss Melville had a try,
But the Auckland men turned shy.
Which for Auckland's mighty droll.
Soon an honourable Mrs.
Introduced her Bills with kisses,
Till she had an Act pushed through.
Whereby members of both Houses
Brought their sweethearts or their spouses.
And the call broke out anew:
Come, won't you come to Parliament?
Bring your powder-puffs and scent;
You may get a handsome lover.
Like John Luke or Albert Glover,
if you come to Parliament.
Next, all men must learn to cook—
Mrs. Beeton's their set-book—
page 31 Now you're harping on a durn note,
"Help the country" (which means you);
You've neglected your electorate,
Bunked when things were at their worst—
Gosh, man, you make me expectorate.
Slope! Your whole damned tribe's accursed.

Babies' Chorus

Boo, hoo, hoo. We want um milk,
But Massey's let the pwice get so high,
And Johnny Luke's wunning a short supply,
And the wailway's stwuck, and we want to cwy.
Boo, hoo, hoo.

How we love all nice M.P.'s,
'Cos dey wash dere hands and knees,
And answer, "Fank o," "If oo please,"
But we're fwightened when dey sneeze.
Does oo know dere latest wheeze?
Nursie's hand dey want to squeeze,
But nursie says oo mustn't tease—
Nasty, naughty, bold M.P.'s.

(Blubber—the useful product of a dead whale, the useless product of a live baby.)

Boo, hoo, hoo. Boo, hoo-oo, hoo.
Bubba wants to get out of um pwam;
Put bubba to bye-bye quick as oo can,
Bubba so sleepy. Oh, nursie, oh—
Boo, hoo, hoo.

Finale

Man Solo:
In Parliament's earlier history
One man would represent all
And sit on that most august mystery
That met in the Westminster Hall.
And these men would govern (most stealthy)
According to their own ideas
And satisfy none but the wealthy,
Ruling through long, long years.

Chorus:
But we have found a scheme
To let all have a say;
We no more work by team.
page 32 Each votes in his own way.
Man or wife or child
Talks, quarrels as of yore:
All, by none; beguiled,
Ruling for evermore.

Lady Solo:
Women have proved that as talkers they can
Fitly hold their own with your oratorical man;
And now in the House family quarrels hold sway,
Having usurped the place of party strife of yesterday.

Chorus:
When all have come to rule,
All are to Duty bound.
For all the tocsin's call,
All rally to the sound;

On and ever on,
Each striving for all;
On, ever on
Till the last menace fall.

Each shall strive for all.
To each the tocsin call;
So onward, ever on,
Till every menace fall.

N.Z. Free Lance. Wellington.