Plain as Plain Can be.

When a little Ulster laddie I departed for this shore,
I vowed I'd ever be as plain as I could be;
I settled as a hayseed, and it wasn't long before
The neighbours said to me: "You're plain as plain can be."
And I've many times reflected, as I drove the placid cow,
Or filled some poet's musing homeward plodding from the plough.
That that was why they chose me for the Road Board, and I polled,
For I was very commonplace, but I did as I was told;
And I never thought or studied, 'cause with brains I disagree;
You get on best without 'em—be as plain as plain can be.

One day, as on a haystack I was gazing at the blue,
They came and spoke to me: "Now as plain as plain can be,
"If you always vote for farmers there's a vacant seat for you.
"Get us the 'L.s.d.'—it's plain as plain can be."
Now, my ideas were passee and I wasn't classy, so
I got known as plain Bill Massey, and they showed me where to go.
And I became Prime Minister, Right Honourable P.C.,
While a famous University made me an LL.D.;
And if you have ambitions for the top perch on the tree.
You try and be like me—as plain as plain can be.