The Spike or Victoria University College Review June 1918
Answers to Correspondents
Answers to Correspondents.
Prof. E-st-rf-ld: (I) Truly, fishing is a great art; but are you not stretching it rather when you say that the solution of the problem struck you at the precise moment when you hooked that twenty-five pounder? To us, the story certainly sounds a bit "fishy." (2) We must sympathise with you. How was anyone to know that the thing was going to explode? We agree that the mirth of the students at your tragic pose was quite uncalled for.
L. I. D-y: Your desire to light the cracker was decidedly childish, and to remove the Professor's matches secretly is a criminal act which would warrant the attention of Constable Brook. The one redeeming feature of the case seems to be your modesty in returning the "lucifers," when detected by the Professor.
Prof. Cl-rk: We cannot approve of your scheme to convert the Science building into a children's home. It might interest you to know that we have received a very fiery epistle from Engineer Strawbridge on this subject. He complains "that the bannister of the staircase is not the gymnasium for a children's physical culture class. "We would suggest that you interview this gentleman on the matter.
Rev. B. H. W-rd: We have neither the space nor the courage to give our opinion of your book, "Nibs and Nibblers." The review of that famous article, "Why the pen is greater than the holder," we are holding until after the war.
Dr. G-bb: We regret that we cannot comment on your powerful and profitable pamphlet, "Ex silentia," but, unfortunately, we have not yet received it.
E. E-v-ns: Your charming lyric (or is it an epic?) entitled "At last," is too long to print. We select lines 843 to 846:
Narcissus-like, the River Hutt adorn,
Thinking of the many acts I've done.
The torrent of one thought is seaward borne,
A treasurer's life is not a happy one.
G. K-rk: We are delighted to hear that you have been successful in discovering the relative conductivity of copper in decimal nine.
G. S-k-r: Really now, why this serious outlook on life? The only serious thing is ourselves, and we are hopelessly unsolvable, you know.
Prof. Br-wn: You say "Horace was always afraid his theme would be taken too seriously." Our advice is, "Don't worry, Horace."
E. K. R-shw-rth: What was it like when the light went out. The words stirred us all:
"Dark is the night that covers me,
Black is the lamp from pole to pole."
Prof. S-m-rv-lle: We don't think at the present time that it is safe to print your article, "The religion of Euclid considered in the light of the binomial equation."
N. A. J. B-rk-r: There is a decided note of languid pessimism in the otherwise charming lyric you submitted. What you need is a more sporting outlook on life. Why not join one or two of the College Clubs and take a little "strenuous exercise on a Saturday?"!!