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A Rhodes Scholar in the Making.

While still a boy I was told to choose a profession. My father favoured law but, being a J. P., naturally knew less about it than most people; my uncle, the undertaker, suggested medicine, but he was biased; my mother wanted me to be a soldier, but my calves were really never intended for putties; I myself favour engineering, but when it took two days to clear our house of water after the installation of my first patent water—tap, I thought that perhaps after all engineering might not be in my line. So I was still wondering whether I should be a sea captain or a bishop, when a friend said to me, "Why not be everything; a microcosmic epitome of all things good; a living Reference Dictionary beginning with a hundred pages on Every man his own Cook, and ending with two pages on the History of the World ?" That, dear Spike, is what made me decide to become a Rhodes Scholar. I immediately went into active training for the billet, and this being the busy season for Rhodes Scholars, I ask you now to espouse my cause for nomination from Victoria College.

Mr. Rhodes expressed the desire that the successful candidate for his scholarship should possess various qualifications, and till quite recently I deemed it inconceivable that any human being could combine in himself so many virtues. However, a short course of introspection and self—examination has made me change my mind on this matter, and I have now no hesitation in placing my undoubted claims before you.

First, then, two of the necessary qualifications I have to perfection: to the best of my knowledge and belief I am sane and unmarried. As a matter of fact, I know some quite respectable fellows who are neither, but then Oxford is rather conservation; or perhaps Mr. Rhodes put this clause in his will at the special request of favouriter niece or two who happened to be about at the time. I shall ask Hall-Jones.

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Rightly holding that a public school was no fit place for one of my exceptional attainments, my parents sent me straight to the High School, and there were developed to the full those qualities which make me fulfil so admirably the requirements of Mr. Rhodes.

As to my literary and scholastic attainments at school, I enclose a testimonial from Mr. P. J. Girth, headmaster, who said it was a pleasure to write a testimonial like mine. My first intending employer to whom I presented it, said he had never seen one like it, but regretted his office was fully staffed at the moment. I may add that if I did not win any prizes or scholarships, it is only evidence of my unselfishness and kindliness, and the interest I took in my school-fellows. In Greek, I was top of the class for three years, but no prize was awarded me, possibly because it was an extra subject and I was the class. Again, for one year I sat next to a Rhodes Scholar, at present in Oxford, and in spite of the fact that I could hardly read his handwriting and the vigilance of the master, our marks were equal throughout the year.

Once more my instincts to lead became apparent, and at a sham fight I led my squad of cadets into a position from which it took a major and a dictionary an hour to extricate them. It was on the strength of this that I was offered a commission in the Officers, Training Corps. But I anticipate.

My fondness for manly outdoor games was the talk of the school, and it was indeed unfortunate that my sisters should require my escort to their dancing class on Saturday afternoons, thereby preventing me from active participation in the games. However, such self—sacrifice should tell greatly in my favour when it comes to the selection, and I may say that in dancing I am second to none.

At our athletic sports I was a constant competitor, my most regular event being the Consolation race. Indeed, at one meeting I came fifth in the mile walk and two of those in font of me having been disqualified and one found to be over age for the event, the second prize was about to be awarded to me, when it was discovered that I had inadvertently started from 250 yards ahead of my mark. However, on leaving school I presented a medal to be competed for annually in this event, an act which would have undoubtedly delighted Mr. Rhodes.

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Of my sympathy for and protection of the weak I shall give but one instance. A small and timid boy having purchased some toffee at the corner shop, was cruelly assaulted with intent to rob by one bigger than he. Without hesitation I thereupon relieved him of his toffee, his assailant desisted from a useless attack, and, being bigger than either, I walked away with a clear conscience.

The matriculation Examination presented no difficulties to me, and on the fifth attempt I passed with flying colours. My masters and coaches for that examination said I was quite unique, and I enclose testimonials from them to that effect.

My University career is too well known to all to need recapitulation here. Suffice it to say that during the seven years I have been at Victoria College, I have taken a lively interest in my own and everyone else's business, and next year I hope to complete my B.A. My professors hops so too. I have been proposed for almost every position on almost every committee, and the pleasant laugh which greets my name when I am proposed is sufficient evidence of my popularity. If I have not been elected, it is only because my unselfishness, again in evidence, has compelled me to ask my friends not to vote for me.

I have been fourth emergency for the 3B Hockey Team, have refereed in a girls' match, and joined the Officers' Training Corps.

Besides all this, I am a valued member of the Anti-Professorial-Derelict Association, Boots-for-Babes Society, Afternoon Tea League, and No-Sox Brigade. Only once in my life have I drunk intoxicating and spirituous liquor, the claret cup at the farewell dinner to Mr. Joynt, but Sir Robert Stout and Mr. Ostler also drank it. Only once in my life have I smoked, but it was one of Professor Mackenzie's cigars; since then I have smoked no other.

Now Sir, I ask you, can you imagine any man who more completely fulfils the requirement of Mr. Rhodes? If you can, please let me know, and casting off the veil of modesty so much in evidence herein, I shall flash upon you in my true and full brilliance. There is no doubt in my mind as to the proper person for the scholarship, but in these days, when true merit is often not recognized, I shall be glad of your valuable support.

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For further testimonials, let me refer you to James, our butler, Ah Hop Flee, our greengrocer, and Joe Carter, a valued friend of the family.

Yours truly, Goodas Gottit.

H. B. (for Kirk)—I am fond of animals. When I go to Oxford my dog remains here.

D. V. (for Richmond)—I never snore.

B. C. (for von Zedlitz)—I am of Baronial descent, Munchausen being one of the family.

A. D. T. (for all the others)—My mother is Scotch on her uncle's side.