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The Spike or Victoria College Review, October 1903

3 — Victoria's Variety Show

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Victoria's Variety Show

"Such men of gravity and learning."

Henry VIII, iii. I

When we've holler'd Maori Hakas and the Student's "Clementine,"
We shall sing a lively ditty to a hoard
Of abandoned old professors—best of pals below the line,
And we won't forget the Chairman of the Board.
He's an absent-minded beggar with a bald spot on his pate,
But the Students have to take him as they find him,
He's a sport, a brick, a bonser—as a runner he's first-rate,
And however hard he grinds us we won't grind him.

Long Prof., short Prof.—Professor we should say,
Prof. with bald or woolly nob—it's all the same to-day
Each of 'em doing a noble work and never minding the pay,
Could you want better Profs, than these?
O! Say! Say! Say!

There's a classical Professor and his name is Johnny Brown,
He's a warrior at, setting Latin Prose,
But outside he's just a donah, if you'll only smooth him down
With a tale of how you're swatting "tooth and toes."
Then there's Mac. the Scottish giant, and his bulk makes one feel queer,
Till you hear the shrill falsetto that belies him,
But he tells you good old "chestnuts," tells 'em reg'lar once a year,
And he'll kick out any Student that decries him.

Lean Prof., stout Prof.—Professor we should say,
Prof. that plays golf or milks his kye, it's all the same to-day,
One of 'em knocking a ball about and one of 'em making hay,
Could you want better Profs, than these,
Oh! Say! Say! Say!

Don't forget our own Maclaurin, he upheld New Zealand's fame,
He's a marvel, quite a credit to our race,
He's a little man but "See that ?" is his cry as if he came
Of a family of elephantine grace.
Good Von Zedlitz is our joker—he pronounces French so fine
That the Students simply cannot understand him,
But his funny pointed sayings, as he spells words sign by sign,
Makes them laugh and laugh until they'd like to "land" him.

Sweet Prof., Sour Prof., Prof. with a winning smile,
He may live well at the Wellington Club, but he's young, he's young you'll say.
Each of 'cm making the Students work and wearing a nobby tile,
Could you want better Profs, than these,
O! Nay! Nay! Nay!