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Poetry.

Showing how two Professors driven forth by too much Hospitality sought Relief in Solitude and found It not.

Dramatis Personæ—Professors Borussia and Ricardo.

(Professor Ricardo discovered alone on the beach of a desert Island).

Prof. Ric.
Behold me here thrice three and thirty days,
Treading alone these unfrequented ways;
Of abstract questions dealing in my mind
And mathematics—though of late I find
The time a trifle slack—Oh heaven! What's that!
A wild-eyed giant in a soft felt hat—
Surely that form's my colleague from the town,
Yet what, I wonder, could have brought him down.

Enter Prof. Bor.
Be careful where you walk for though I'm small,
I don't like being trodden on at all.

Prof. Bor.
Great Scott, I really thought I heard a noise,
Why, its our pick, the gayest of the boys.

Prof. Ric.
You've taken long enough to find it out
It's me, but what on earth brings you about?

Prof. Bor.
I'll give my reasons very plump and plain,
Though in another man they might seem vain.
You know I thought to find a different race
More kindly, simple, in this awful place.
The women sweet and docile, and the men
Large, pleasant, kindly—and it was for them
I learnt the slang that they so much deride—
They do put on a precious lot of side.
As for the girls, instead of being shy
They're not respectful; with judicial eye
They view my merits—that I do not mind,
Tis angling anxious mothers that I find
Chase me about with pressing invitations,
And hawk me to their various habitations.
I know I'm most distingue and all that,
A touch of genius never can fall flat,
So as befits I prove myself exclusive
And to that end have made myself elusive.
But was't a private quarrel or a feud
That brought you here that n'er loved solitude?

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Prof. Ric. (somewhat astonished).
I too have fled from over kindly friends
On this wild waste my intellect unbends.
But as for you, young man, I tell you straight
To be sought after n'er will be your fate,
And I'll inform you though you think it rum,
They're kind because they know you're a new chum;
Don't class your popularity with mine,
For that has stood the trying test of time.

Prof. Bor.
Good heavens man, your vanity's extreme,
Your reign is over now I'm on the scene.
A good tall figure and a profile fine
Are what take nowadays, that's where I shine.

Prof. Ric.
Why man to most you're just the newest toy,
Don't be surprised if you're soon dropped my boy.

Prof. Bor.
Of that I think I well can risk all dangers,
I've been invited out by perfect strangers.

Prof. Ric.
Then that explains the reason very clear,
A second asking you need never fear.

Prof. Bor.
May T ask, Sir, just when you do propose
To quit this Isle, and when the steamer goes?

Prof. Ric.
I'd like to stay of course, I find it grand,
The solitude's delightful in this land,
But duty calls most urgently—for that
I find I need boots and another hat.
I'll leave to-morrow, meantime if I may,
Take my good wishes for a pleasant stay.

Prof. Bor.
Well I'm afraid I've business too in town,
I really ought to see a man, called Brown,
About a dog that I once thought I'd buy,
Though leaving here will cost me many a sigh.
(Ricardo exeat leaving Bor. alone)
He's stacks of hats, and to my certain knowledge
Quite enough boots to last five terms at College.
It's beastly slow—I'm glad I'm off to-morrow.
I'll He me back and cease dull care to borrow,
Borussia nee'r was known to run away,
I'll play the coward not another day,
But pay the penalty of all the great
With gracious condescension—it is fate.

—Tin Tacks.