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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 68

The Corner Cobweb

page 48

The Corner Cobweb.

"Will you walk into my Cobweb?"
Said the Spider to the Joke.

[Contributions invited of brief scraps of original humour, riddles, puzzles, acrostics, &c]

The rush of photographers to "take" the Sutherland Falls may fairly be said to be the "March of the Camera—n men."

New suggestion for the Exhibition! Splendid idea!—When Dunedin is filled with visitors, have a competition of steamers' whistles and steam signals! The result would be a fog-horn conclusion.

P.S.—I shall always leave my readers to wrestle with the most puny puns, without assisting them with explanatory brackets; that always seems to me to be diluting the cream of a joke into sky-blue milk and water.

Z ealandia! All hail to thee!
E ntrancing thou wilt prove to be;
A ll subjects do thy leaves embrace—
L ove, science, poetry, will find place;
A n essay here, a story there—
N one of diversion need despair.
D oubtless, the reader, too, will find
I nstruction, with delight combined,
A nd with good fare will feast his mind.
Azile.

Unconscious Humour.—In a house where there are no children, but where two pet kittens are kept and treated with unusual kindness, a new hand-maiden asked the mistress, gravely, "Plaze, mum, an' sure are the dare kittens, bliss their pretty hearts, to have a boite av iverything as comes aff the dining-room table, mum?"

"Dear Robert

"Your unexpected letter came duly to hand. I am glad to find you have always borne a good name. It pleases me beyond expression to hear that you can give good references. It is of thrilling and absorbing interest to me to learn that you left your last employer without a stain upon your character. It is also (e-o-o-eugh—that was a yawn, Robert) deeply gratifying to others to know that you are fully competent to do any work that you may be asked to perform. Likewise, it is most (o-e-e-e-enooough—that was another yawn, Robert) important to have a clear understanding as to the number, ages, and sexes of your relatives, Robert. Thank you, very much, for the information Robert. But may I venture to imagine, Robert, why you have tilted this cart-load of facts into me? I didn't need filling up, Robert; I was full up before I had read three lines of your ten-page letter. Ah! a thought striker me!—Possibly you want employment, Robert? But no, you don't say so. You just go buzzing along through your ten pages like an old rip-saw, pouring out an avalanche of facts, without asking anywhere for sixpence to get a drink, much less for work. If work is what you want, why don't you say so? No, you say nothing of that kind, so I must suppose that you only want to be pleasant. Thanks, very much, Robert; you write very nice letters, so full of soul-absorbing matter of thrilling interest, you know. Let me hear from you again soon, Robert; but don't be disappointed if circumstances over which I have no control prevent my replying.

"Yours affectionately,

"Spider."