Was The Church of God.

Then they got a new trial, and the next jury decided that the Old School was the Church of God, and that settled it. (Great laughter.) And that Church teaches that infinite innocence was sacrificed for me. I don't want it. I don't wish to go to Heaven unless I can settle by the books, and go there because I have a right to go there. I have said, and I say again, I don't wish to be a charity angel. (Laughter.) I have no ambition to become a winged pauper of the sky. (Roars.)

The other day a young gentleman—a Presbyterian, who had just been converted—came to convert me. (Shouts of laughter.) He gave me a tract, and told me that he was perfectly happy. Humph! (Laughter.) Said I, "Do you think a great many people are going to hell?" "O yes." "And you are perfectly happy?" "Well, he didn't know as he was—quite." (Laughter.) "Wouldn't you be happier if they were all going to Heaven?" "O yes." "Well, then you are not perfectly happy?" "No, he didn't think he was." (Laughter.) Said I, "When you go to Heaven you will be perfectly happy?" "Oh, my! yes." "Now, when we are only going to hell you are not quite happy, but when we are in hell and you in Heaven then you will be perfectly happy. You won't be as decent when you get to be an angel as you are now, will you?" (Laughter.) Well, he said, that wasn't exactly it. (More laughter.) "Well," said I, "suppose your mother was in hell, would you be happy in Heaven then?" "Well," he says, "I suppose God would know the best place for mother." (Shouts on shouts of laughter.) And I thought to myself then if I was a woman I would like to have five or six boys like that. (Great laughter.) It will not do; Heaven is where those we love and those who love us are (applause), and I wish to go to no world unless I can be accompanied by those who have loved me here. (Applause.) Talk about the consolation of this infamous doctrine,—the consolation of a doctrine that makes a father say, "I can be happy, with my daughter in hell;" that makes a mother say, "I can be happy, with my generous, brave boy in hell;" that makes a boy say, "I can enjoy the glory of Heaven, with the woman who bore me, the woman who would have died for me, in eternal agony." (Great applause.) And they call that "tidings of great joy." (Great applause and laughter.)

I have no time to speak of the Baptists (laughter), that Jeremy Taylor said were as much to be rooted out as anything that was the greatest pest and nuisance on earth (laughter); nor of the Quakers, the best of all, and abused by all. I cannot forget that George Fox, in the year of grace 1640, was put in the pillory, whipped from town to town, scarred, put in a dungeon, beaten, trampled upon, and what for? Simply because he preached the doctrine, "Thou shalt not resist evil with evil. Thou shalt love thine enemies." Think of what the Church must have been in that day. To scar the flesh of that loving man; just think of it! I say I have no time to speak of all these sects, and of the varieties of Presbyterians, and of the Cambellites (laughter),—the people who think you must dive in order to get up. (Great laughter.) There are hundreds and hundreds of these sects all founded upon this creed that I read, differing simply in degree. "Ah," but they say to me, "you are fighting something that is dead. Nobody believes this now.