From Darkness to Light.

The simple story of the Lord's dealings with a soul in awakening it and bringing it through all its mistakes and difficulties to the exercise of a simple saving faith in Jesus Christ, has ever been one means largely blessed of God, to the conviction and conversion and instruction of others. The Wesleyans, fully alive to this powerful means of impression and instruction, have made regular ecclesiastical provision in their class-system for utilizing the religious experiences of all to the mutual edification of the body, and whatever objections may be taken to the plan pursued by them, it cannot be denied that a large amount of good is done by this means. With the hope and prayer, therefore, that the following narrative may be owned by the Spirit to do some work for Jesus, the writer would record the leadings and dealings of the Lord in a case intimately known by him. It is cause of much thankfulness to God, that from earliest years A. B. enjoyed the instructions both of home and school in the Word of God, and that admirable compound of its teaching on most of its principal subjects, the Westminster Shorter Catechism. Though such instruction does not save the soul, yet still it lays up a store of Bible truth in the memory at a time when that is easiest and most effectually done, and which is of in-calculable value when afterwards vivified by the quickening power of personal faith in and love to the Lord Jesus Christ, through the operations of the Spirit of God. The first decided awakening to religious anxiety and inquiry experienced by A. B., took place at a communion season in the old Church in Dunedin, now many many years ago. It was not by any word brought home to the conscience, but when the solemn Sacrament was about to be dispensed, and father, mother, sister, and brother, rose and left the family pew to take their places at the Table of the Lord, and he was left alone, an oppressive sense of loneliness came over him. The question then arose in his mind, "why am I here, and not with them, there?" At once the answer followed, "why, but because I am not fit to be there;" with the superadded reflection, "and if not fit to be there, not fit for heaven, and what if you should die in this state?" He then experienced something of what the Psalmist describes when he says "the pains of hell gat hold on me, I grief and trouble found." With smothered tears and deep-felt anxiety he sat out the service, scarce seeing or hearing aught that was going on. When it was over, and home was reached, earnestly did he on bended knee, with many tears cry unto the Lord to save him, and fit him for heaven, and there he solemnly resolved to set about preparing himself that he might be ready before next communion season to take his place at the Lord's Table, if spared. He resolved diligently to forsake all that he saw to be wrong and do all that he saw to be right, and thus hoped to work out for himself a title and a fitness for the Lord's table and for heaven. Heaven's simple plan "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and so thou shall be saved" was not apprehended and embraced. Jesus Christ and his finished work were not indeed altogether excluded,—they had a place given them, but not the only place, as the alone ground of a sinner's justification. It was hoped that what was required of him would be attained by a painful laborious process of self government, restraint, and purification, and that the merits and the mercy of Jesus would do all the rest, and thus in the end he hoped to be saved. Through this hope his fears and anxieties to a great extent departed, and zealously did he set page 82 about at once carrying out his resolve and fitting himself for sitting at the Lord's table on the first occasion which might present itself A few days after this he removed into the country and was thrown into the society of men whom he often heard swear and use improper language of one kind and another. Remembering his resolution to forsake what was wrong and do what was right, he not only refrained from joining them, but ventured sometimes to check them, heedless of their laugh, knelt before them at night in prayer ere lying down to rest, and did many things and thought he was succeeding admirably. He was quite delighted with the progress he was making in self-reformation, and so his hopes of being saved grew stronger. But, alas, his state might most truly be described by the words of the Apostle in Romans x. 3—"Being ignorant of God's righteousness and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God." And this is the fatal mistake which so many make when aroused to religious anxiety. Bye and bye the Lord's Supper was to be dispensed in the district where he was, and being pretty well satisfied with himself, he applied for admission, was examined and received into the membership of the Church. From that time, as is the case in so many instances where joining the Church is put in the place of joining to Christ, his religious earnestness began to subside —and soon there was little of it felt or exhibited. He did not indeed become utterly careless or regardless in respect of all outward ordinances and the forms and proprieties of religion; no, in observing these he was scrupulously attentive, but there began and ended his. whole religious life. For three years he went on in cold formality and carnal ease till it pleased God in his mercy to awaken him again to solemn inquiry into his state before God. This second awakening was brought about not by any word of direct appeal or exhortation, but by the simple intimation made at the close of a sabbath service "that upon that day three weeks the sacrament of the Lord's Supper would (D.V.) be dispensed in that place." That was the arrow used by the Spirit of God to renew conviction and anxiety, and is an instance of how he often works in ways and by means not thought of by us. The anxiety and alarm of A. B., were now deeper and more intense than at first. He felt that he had for these three years been guilty of making a false profession of being a Christian, and the sin of this, added to his other sins was a heavy burden under which he sighed and groaned, but could find no relief. Resolving to make himself better and do what was right, brought on comfort or hope of salvation to him now. That refuge had been a refuge of lies; the peace it gave, a poisoned draught. The spiritual distress which now he endured, preyed him both by day and night, hindering him at his work and disturbing rest. Still he made none aware of what was going on within sought counsel from none. At this time Bunyan's "Holy War" into his hands, which he read with intense interest, as he seemed to realise that all its vivid imagery just pictured forth what was going on within his soul. Day after day he continued in this same state, and though lie knew and would repeat and prayed over all the statements of scripture in regard to Jesus and his work, and that it is only and altogether through faith in Him that a sinner is saved, yet still they brought no peace, no comfort to his soul. He did not yet apprehend that faith has for its object not the truths received and assented to by the mind, but the person page 83 testified of by the truth. Another difficulty which sorely perplexed him was that of the life to be lived after a man becomes a believer. Supposing he did believe in Christ to the pardoning of his sins and his acceptance with God, what of the Christain life to be led among men? How was he ever to accomplish that? The whispered suggestion was "resolve to begin and carry it out faithfully;" but then the reply as speedily rose up "I have before resolved again and again, and tried hard to keep my resolution, but I always failed, and what reason have I to suppose that I shall succeed any better in the future?" In this perplexed state he remained till the Thursday before the Communion, when he resolved that he would not go forward to the table of the Lord on the coming Sabbath, and incur the guilt of again making a false profession. On the following evening the subject as usual engrossed his thoughts, and after all the household had gone to rest he sat alone, distressed and gloomy and desponding; at last he resolved not merely to refrain from going to the table of the Lord, but also to cast off all pretence and forms of religion. "Better," said he; "to be an openly and professedly ungodly man than a hypocrite and pretender to religion, when there is no such thing in its reality." Having taken this resolve, his alarms and anxieties in great measure departed. He felt calm in the settled resolve to be at least no longer neither one thing nor another; but to let it be known decidedly that he was not on the Lord's side, and made no profession of being a Christian. 'Twas in some measure the calmness of despair, for he said "there is no hope for me, and why then should I trouble or torment myself before the time; I will be what I am, and so at least be honest; I will make the best I can of the present life and must just endure the future when it comes." In this state he rose to go up stairs to bed, but just as he put his foot on the first step, a passage of God's word flashed into his mind with a strange light and power, and brought him to a standstill. It was Galatians ii. 20, "I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." At once the completeness of redemption in Christ Jesus was apprehended. Paul's double declaration of his relation to Christ as a believer "he crucified with Christ," and "Christ living in him," brought the matter clearly and fully before his mind. "Christ then," said he, "is offered to me, not merely as having died for me, and not only thus am I by faith to embrace him, but also is he offered to me to live in me and for both my death and my life am I to accept of him." Now, at once the way of pardon and the way of life. Christ for secret of justification, Christ in him the secret of the new life; with special reference to the latter point and his previous difficulty in relation thereto, he said to himself, "Christ lived in his own flesh on earth a holy life of obedience to the will and law of his Father, and is he not able to live it over again in my flesh? It is not I, then, who am to live the new life, but Christ in me; and cannot I do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me? Here, then, is my strength and my salvation." Now the gospel offer of. Christ to save, was understood to be not only Christ to be for you, but also Christ to be in you, and these two not separable, but together. Then the true object of faith was seen and laid hold of, even Jesus who liveth and was dead, and behold he is alive for page 84 evermore; and faith closing with this, Christ brought at once peace and life to the soul. Darkness passed away, the true light now shone, and he realised that verily the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ his Son. Anxious soul! would you also pass from darkness to light? Then behold here is the object of faith—not the death of Christ, not the life of Christ, not the finished work of Christ, but the now living Christ who was dead, and behold he is alive for evermore. It is to Him you are invited to come and trust your guilty perishing soul, so shall his death that is past avail for you, and his life that now is be communicated unto you, and because he lives ye shall live also. Then shall you be able to appropriate the words of the Apostle quoted above from Galatians ii. 20; and also those words of calm confidence in 2 Timothy i. 12: "I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day."