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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 2

Lambton Kay, Wellin'ton, July 24th, 1880

Lambton Kay, Wellin'ton,

Begorra I'm tould there's been anxious inquiries for me in all quarthers, an' a riport has got abroad that I've been rayconvarted be Elder Batt, but its all in me eye an' Betty Martin, so it is. The fact o' the matther is I've been up on another misshun to Tay Whitty thry in, to purswaid him to stop his ploughin' matches. Bad luck to the ould haythin, sure he would'nt listen to rayson at all, at all, an' afther wast in' me iloquince I was forced to return to Willin'ton an' riport progress to Misther Bryce. Av coorse it was owin' to me that the Paice Priservashun Act was passed. 'Pon me conshinse ye'd be astonished av ye saw the way the ould pagan thry'd to bamboozle me. Afther talkin' to him for siviral hours, an' prisintin' him wid me foteygraff, the grate profit ses to me, ses he, "Luk here, Paddy, allanah, faix yer only wastin' yer wind on me, for I'm a mighty profit an' a big seer, although I'm gettin' into the seer an' yallow laif," ses he. "But sure ye can't have any objecshun to take a few thracks to comfort yer sowl," ses I. Is it tbracts ye mane," ses he, "why, avick machree, that's the very thing all the ruckshuns is about," ses he. The Pakeyha has robbed us av our thracts o' land, an' we'er forced to comfort our sowls wid a dhrop o' the craychure now an' agin," ses he. "Don't be profane, Misthur Tay Whitty," ses I, "the thracts ye mane are not the thracks I mane," ses I, losin' me timper, an' risin' to lave the wharry. "Keep cool, Misther Murphy," ses he, "an' I might git ye married to one o' me daughthers some fine day, and give ye a beautiful istate up beyant the moon," ses he. "Give me love to Jonnny Sheehan whin ye go back," ses he, "an' tell Misther Bryce that I'm too ould a bird to be caught wid chaff, dy'e mind that now ?" ses he. Be the hokey I was so much amused wid his cheek an' impidince that I invoked the muses wid the followin' result: