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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 2

Special Ipistol

page 71

Special Ipistol.

Lambton Kay, Willin'ton,

Bedad it's a proud man I am this day, an' no mistake, for I've succeeded in injoocin' the Ministhry to offer the vacant portfoley to me ould frind Tom Dick. Av coorse I'm still opposed to the Hall Government, but at the same time whiniver they want advice on any important measure, I'm niver too proud to give it to thim Well, one day last week, whilst I was packin up me boxes an' chists for me intinded tower wid Pasthor Shin iky, who the dickens should dhrop into me stewjeo but Johuny Hall. "Misther Murphy," ses he, "I want yer advice on a very sayrious matther. "D'ye tell me so?" ses I, "an' what may that be, Johnny, mavrone?" ses I. Well, PaIdy, allanah, I m thinkin' about offerin' the vacant portfoley to Misther Dick, av Dunaydin, and I jist called to ax yer advice in the matther," ses Johnny. "Luk here. Johnny, ses I, "Be the hokey poker ye've jist hit the right nail on the head, Tom Dick is the very man to shuit ye," ses I, an' av ye don't make haste about it, begorra ye may lose him," ses I, "for, betchune you an' me, Misther Dick is undher offer av engagement to thravel wid mesilf an' the Pasthor on our tower. A rivirind an' solemn-looking chairman has a great dail to do wid the success av a meetin', an the Pasthor thinks av he could injooce Misther Dick to thravel wid us he would double the number av his convarts in a very short time," ses I. "Blur-an'-ages, d'ye tell me so ?" ses Johnny; "be the hokey, I must run to the tiligraph offis an' wire to him at onced,' ses Johnny, as he rushed down stairs. That same night I sthruck off the followin' pome in honour av the occashun:

A Node To Tom Dick.

Arrah, Tommy, me honey, begorra it's funny
To find ye, me boy, at the top o' the three,
Ye've stuck to yer party, faix, Tommy, me hearty,
An' sure ye're desarvin' an offis, machree;
The Northern dhraimers an' place-huntin' schaimers
Have just now discovered the Ministhry's sick;
They've murther'd the nation wid bad legislashun,
They want consolashun from you, Tommy Dick.

Begorra, I'll wager ye'll dhrill the bould Major
To smite those Amalekites—Ballance an' Mac;
Ye'll find it quite aisy, me jewel an' daisy,
To dhrive ould Sir George an' his Philistines back;
Make Midian thrimble—that's whin ye assimble,—
Jist give thim the chapther an' verses, avick;
Make all Aygipt wondher, wid accints o' tuudher,
An' cross the red say av Piako, Tom Dick.

Jist praich thim some sarraints, an' silence the varmints,
An' av they want garmints jist give them a quote;
Taich Freddy surveyin', whin north av Canaan,
An' av he gits swamped, Tom, jist keep him afloat;
The divil's own play-boys have conquered ould Grey, boys,
But bad as they are ye can save them from Nick;
Yer pals are his own, Tom, an' jist you alone, Tom.
Can chait the ould boy av his lights, Tommy Dick.

Paddy Murphy.