Other formats

    TEI XML file   ePub eBook file  


    mail icontwitter iconBlogspot iconrss icon

The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 2

Grate Goins On Intireley

Grate Goins On Intireley.

Lambton Kay, Wellin'ton,

Be the piper that played before Moses, ther's been the divil's own inthraigin' goin' on here durin' the last fortnight. The mimbers o' the Opposition have resoortid to ivery mane divice in ordher to put us out, so they have. 'Pon me conshinse, it was a purty sight to see Rolleston an' the other boys opposed to us waitin' on the wharf for the Southern steamers to arrive, so that they'd have the first chance o' button-holin' the mimbers as they arrived. It was as good as a play to see thim shipardin' me second cousin, page 61 Paddy M'Caughan, whin he landed from the South. The way in which Johnny Hall laid on the soft soap was most surprising but I don't think they've got him yit. Av he turns thraiter, be the vartue o' me oath, I'll disown all relashionship to him, so I will. Thin they thried it on wid Finn an' Barron and some more av our boys, but it wouldn't wash. Av coorse they lift no stone unturned in thryin' to buy me over, for sure they know that no Ministhry can stand widout me assistance, for they know I can talk a lot of the unsophistickated mimbers into votin' just as I plaise. Faix, some o' the boys o' the Opposishun are as cunnin' as foxes, so they are. I'll just give ye a little iday o' the way they thried to bribe me, One evenin' last week I happened to be doin' me morn in' at Jack M' Ginnity's, whin who should pop in unawares but George M' Lean, "Paddy," ses he, "yer the very man I've been lookin' for; come outside here, I want to spaike to ye, just the laste taste, in private," ses he. I wint outside wid him, and before you could say Jack Robinson, he put his arm into mine, an' we walked along together, lookin' for all the world like the Siamese twins. "Where the dickens are ye takin' me to, George, asthore?" ses I. "Well, Paddy, avick, we're jist goin' to have a quiet cup o' tay up at Walther Johnson's, and we want ye to join us," says he. Faix I didn't like to refuse sich a kind invitation, and in a few minutes time we found ourselves in Watty's back parlour. There was a grate crowd intirely of the Opposishun boys, an' amongst them I noticed yer three Dunaidin mimbers. Afther tay we retired to the study to hould a cowcass, an' Johnny Hall comminced the discoorse be addhressin 'me:" Now Misther Murphy," ses he, "we've brought ye here to see av we can't tirapt ye to jine us." "Misther Hall," ses I, "ye may save yerselves the throuble; common praties an' small pittaties may be chaip an' plintiful, but a ginuine Murphy is not to be bought in your market," ses I lookin' mighty indignant. Findin' me objurate, they turned the conversahun, an' rang the bell for the decanthers and glasses. I could see that they were determined to thransact none o' the private busiuess in my prisince, thinkin' I might let the cat out o' the bag. Afther a few rounds o' punch, George M'Lean called on me for a song, and finding mesilf speritually inspired, I sthruck up the followin' ditty, composed at a minute's notice:—

Johnny Hall.

Och, they've given ye the laid,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall.
But, begorra, I'm afraid,
Johnny Hall,
That yer Opposishun blowin',
An' yer bouncin' an' yer crowin',
Wid yer Atkinson an' Bowen,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall,
Won't put ye in at all,
Johnny Hall.

Ipon me sowl it's grand,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall,
To see ye take command,
Johnny Hall;
Of Pat-thri-ots so pure,
Who promise that they ll cure
All the evils we indure,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall,
Whin the Governor does call
Johnny Hall.

Avick, machree! bedad,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall,
Sir George is mighty bad,
Johnny Hall;

page 62

Bekays he won't give way
An' second fiddle play;—
Yer a purty cup o tay,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall,
It's a pity ye should fall,
Johnny Hall.

Yer argumints are sound.
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall;
It's only now we found,
Johnny Hall,
Sich varchues in the camp
Av the hayroes o' the "Swamp:"
Piako's purty damp,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall;
I think ye'll miss the ball,
Johnny Hall.

We thried ye oncet before,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall;
But niver any more,
Johnny Hall.
We'll pluck ye av yer sting;—
The dirty mud ye fling,
An' the charges that ye bring,
Johnny Hall, Johnny Hall;
Are mighty waik an' small,
Johnny Hall.

There was tundhers av applause whin I finished, an' begorra, Johnny tuk it in good part an' voluntered a song in return. I got him to rite down the ditty, an' you will percaive that its in vulgar Inglish:—

The Wily Knight.

Air: "Oft in the Stilly Night."
Oft when the wily Knight,
In Opposition found me,
Meeting in the wordy fight,
His eloquence has drown'd me:
The frequent cheers,
And loud "hear, hears,"
The House so oft hath woken;
The battles won,
When I was done
My heart hath nearly broken.
Oft when the wily Knight,
In Opposition found me,
Meeting in the wordy fight,
His eloquence has drown'd me.

Whin Johnny concluded his lay, the boys called on Tom Dick for a song, an' that gintleman replied as follows:—"Weel, ye see, ma freens, I'm no used to sing anything but Moody and Sankey's hymns, as I think profane sangs hae a tendency tae encourage sin. However, I will gie ye a stave or twa, composed by myself, on the disgracefu performance witnessed in this city lately." Av coor.se Misther Dick rote me down his remarks an' song, bekays I don't spaike Scotch, an' the following is the milody:—

page 63


Air: "My Ain Countrie."
Oh! why left I ma hame,
Why did I cross the deep?
Tae hear aboot this shame
Maks a' ma flesh tae creep,
Thae lassies' legs sae braw,
Folks mauna gang tae see,
For I shall mak a law
Tae guard moralitee.

The roaring lion goes
Tae see those wicked plays,
The evil beastie knows,
Or kens, they wear na claes;
Devoorin' in a rage
The sinners wha, sae slee,
Applaud upon the stage,
Sic immoralitee.

The "Can Can" whirligig,
I dinna understan',
A Spanish reel or jig,
Nae doot its verra gran';
It gars me greet fu' sair,
Tae think sic things can be;——
Lang claes I'll mak them wear,
Tae guard moralitee.

Afther Misther Dick's vocal gim, the cowcass pledged thimselves to create a new portfoley, somethin' like the Lord Chamberlain's. Misther Dick is to take offis in the new Cabinet undher the title of Minister o' Morality. No more at present.

Paddy Murphy.