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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 2

The Dissolushun

The Dissolushun.

Lambton Kay, Wellin'ton,

'Pon me conshinse, we managed to lay a nice thrap for the rats, so we did. The night before the dissolushun, His Ixcillincy axed me up to tay jist for the sake o' pumpin' me as to what was his best coorse to purshue undher the sarcumstances. As soon as the ladies retired and the table was cleared, Sir Herculis called me into his study, an' afther projuicin' a black bottle av rale ould Innishowen from a cubboard in the corner, he ses to me, ses he: "jist wet yer whistle wid that, ma bouchileen bawn; it's the ginuine stuff, imported by mesilf from Shawn O' Dogherty's private still in the blake mountains o' Donigall," ses he. "Here's slantha, Herky," says I (I call him Herky bekays we're ould cronies), as I took a swig at the bottle, an', begorra, it rouled down me throat like mother's milk, so it did." Now, Paddy, page 59 mavrone," ses he, "I want to ax yer advice about this dissolushnn, for 'pon me sowl, I'm not quite clear on the Constitushinal aspect av the question," ses he. "Blur-an-ounthers, man alive," ses I, "there can't be the slightest doubt as to the ixpaidiency av grantin' the dissolushun." "D'ye tell me so?" ses His Ixcillincy, "Begorra, I do; an what's more," ses I, "I could prove beyant the shadow av a doubt that yer bound to grant it, av I had the Parlimenthry Blue Books," ses I. "Well, betchune you an' me, Pat," ses the Governor, "I'm completely flabbergasted wid the opposin' parties, an' ther arguments. One minute Sir George comes in threatenin' a rain o' terror an' the vingince o' the people, unless a dissolushun is granted, an' the next minit Sir William waits ipon me, swairin' he'll raise the Good Timplars in arms, or, what's worse still, let his tongue loose, av I give way to Sir George. What the juice am I to do at all, at all?" ses he, "An' thin ther's another matther, Paddy allanah," ses he, "that makes me pause before I grant a dissolushun." "Arrah, what may that be, Herky?" ses I. "Weil, ma chair (Frinch), I'll tell ye what it is," ses he. "Sure ye know, aroon, that ther's a big number av unfortchunate divils in the prisint House that'll starve this could winther av they lose their honorayriums, an' me heart feels for thim, allanah, for, sure I know that, av they're onced put out they'll niver get in agin," ses he. "Sal is pop u lie shupraima is lax," ses I, spaikin Latin, in ordher to convince him. "Begorra, I think yer right," ses he, "so ye'd betther sind Sir George up, an' I'll grant him a dissolushun," ses His Ixcillincy. So ye see me collaiges have me to thank for the victhory over the rats.

Paddy Murphy.