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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 2

Paddy Murphy and Tay Whiti

page 57

Paddy Murphy and Tay Whiti.

Lambton Kay, Wellin'ton,

Av coorse yer readers have been wondhrin' what's become o' me at all, at all. Well, bechune you an' me, I've been away on a saycrit imbassy to thry and purswaid that ould ommadhaun, Te Whiti, not to be makin' an ass av himsilf, sthrivin' to rise a ruction in the North. Me collaiges knew that I was the best man to sind as an Ambassadhor to the Royal Coort; but, bedad, I've not been very successful in me mission. I found most o' the Maori Coortiers nice, gintilmanly fellows—givin a little too much, perhaps, to the swell Haw-Haw business, but dacint boys for all that. They're jist led away be the ravins av that ould fan-attic Tay Whiti, who gets all kinds o' vishuns an' dhrames, an' night-mares an' day-mares. Begorra, av me collaiges would only take me advice, they'd collar him at onced an' shove him into a lun-attic asylum. Although he's a big Profit, faix he'd be a small loss to the counthry. The followin' is the discoorse I held wid him in the Imparial Palace:—

"Now, Pat, me frind," ses he,
"Ye may dipind," ses he,
"Yer rule must ind," ses he,
"For sure it's plain," ses he,
"Our king must reign," ses he,
"This land's our own," ses he,
"Avick Mavrone," ses he,
"Our Crown an' throne," ses he,
"Must stand alone," ses he.

"Och, have some sinse," ses I,
"Ye needn't wince," ses I,
"It's no offince," ses I,
"For sure ye know," ses I,
"That if ye go," ses I,
"To sthrike a blow," ses I,
"Against the law," ses I.

"Och, hould yer jaw," ses he,
"Yer much to blame," ses he,
"I've had a dhrame," ses he,
"Whin angels fair," ses he,
"Wid goolden hair," ses he,
"An' wings to wair," ses he,
"Bid me prepare," ses he,
"Aitch fightin' pa," ses he,
"Mavrone agrah," ses he,
"The pakeha," ses he,
"Must go away," ses he,
"Across the say," ses he.

"I'll say good day," ses I,
"I mustn't stay," ses I,
"I'll miss me tay," ses I,
"But whisper now," ses I,
"Don't make a row," ses I,
"Or aitch How-How," ses I,
"D'ye mind me now," ses I,
"Will come to squash," ses I.

page 58

"Yer talkin' bosh," ses he,
"Sure we can boast," ses he,
"An angel host," ses he,
"An' faix we'll roast," ses he,
"From coast to coast," ses he,
"Aitch pakeha," ses he.

"Och, nonsinse, bah !" ses I,
"We're thried an' thrue," ses I,
"An' sure ye knew," ses I,
"That Timaru," ses I,
"Will sind a few," ses I,
"Bould warriors———"

"Booh," ses he,
"Why, that's the crew," ses he,
"That fought so bould," ses he,
"Out in the could," ses he,
"One plisint night," ses he,
"Whin all wor tight," ses he,
"That valiant fight," ses he,
"Down near a jail," ses he.

"It's just a tale," ses I,
"Faix I'll go bail," ses I,
"They'll make ye quail," ses I.

"Now, hould yer prate," ses he,
"Or, faix, I'll baite," ses he,
"Yer ugly pate," ses he,
"An' thin I'll ate," ses he,
"Yer tindher mate," ses he.

"Don't lift yer paw," ses I,
"To braik the law," ses I,
"Or I'll braik yer jaw," ses I.

At this point, whin matthers were comin' to a head, we wor sipirated be our frinds to avoid the ruction, an' of coorse I had to give up me mission an' return to Willin'ton.

Paddy Murphy.