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The Pamphlet Collection of Sir Robert Stout: Volume 2

Palmerston

Palmerston,

an' 'pon mo conshinse, I must confess that the people o' Palmerston turned out like gintlemin on the occasion, and tuk the shine out av ivery other place on the rout. There was lashins an' lavins av shampain an' cakes, an' it was the only town on the voyage where we wor greeted wid good, sound, hearty cheers. But, av coorse, the enthusiasm av the Palmerstonians is aisily ixplained, for sure the Mayor—Mickey Fagan—is a Patlander, an' whativer an Irishman's failins may be, want of hospitality an' ginerosity is not one of thim, so it's not. On we go agin be the desarted village o' Waikouaiti, that was once inhabited be an intherprising' race, but is now lonely an' dissolute, like Gooldsmith's sweet Auburn—

Sweet, lovely bowers av innocinse an' aise,
At thee, alas! Cobb's coach no longer stays,

I mintally exclaimed as we swept be the lonely ruins. Nothin' further av importance happened until we raiched Deborah Bay tunnel, whin an incident occurred that's worthy av notice. Before intherin the tunnel, me ould Ingin frind, the Naybob, who had his quarthers in tbe nixt apartment to our State carriage, called me out on to the platlorm, an' whispered in me ear, Blur-an-ages, Paddy asthore, don't lave me, don't lave me, aviek machree, for faix ther's some ladies in the thrain, an' iver since that Valentine Baker affair, I'm mighty narvous goin' through tunnels in the company o' faimailes page 41 so I am." Av coorse I pacified me ould frind, an' whin we got through the tunnel another ipisode tuk place. The ingin stopped to take in wather, an' me respicted an' vinirable frind wint ashore for a minit or two. I think some new variety av fern must have sthruck his eye, but I won't be sartin that it was that tuk him down. It was gettin' dark, an' before the Naybob could secure his botanical threasure the night-ingin snorted, an' the Ingin knight snorted too, as he rushed to the carriage. "Stop the thrain, bad luck to ye: stop the thrain. Would ye lave a knight in the bush sich a night as this, an' me so nigh to town?" ses he, as he made a frantic effort to jump up. As luck would have it, I managed to catch him be the turban, an' wid the assistance o' the Markiss I dhragged him aboord. The ould fellow was so pliased at gettin' in that he got as jolly as a sand-boy, an' chanted the followin' verse in the eggs-uberance av his joy—

"Och Paddy, me darlint, me jewel, me dear,
I've fought wid yer counthrymin out in Cowbull,
Yer welkim, me honey, to visit Cashmere,
Be-jabers, me heart is wid gratichude full."