Cabinet Minister's Song

The story that's current that Cabinet Ministers
Polish their trousers by sliding down bannisters
Burning their bottoms until they raise blisters is
Something I'm happy to tell you's untrue.

When we're not working, we're drinking from kegs
Use a wet blanket to mop up the dregs
When you're consulting us
Don't be insulting as
Members of Parliament never suck eggs.

Into our seats every morning we totter, we
Look just as though we'd been won in a lottery
Mopping it up like a second-hand blotter
(We've been at a party the evening before.)

Alcohol takers need not be afraid
This is no place if you drink lemonade
For teetotal grousers
And old maids and wowsers
No [unclear: Parliament] Houses have even been mode.

Backing our fancies we find it a pleasure we
Lose all our money but make up our measure we
Alter the Budget and borrow from Treasury
It doesn't affect it or matter a damn.

Voters are chasing us, we're on the run
Queries are pat as to what we've begun
With high sounding phrases
We'll sing our own praises
To hell and to biases with getting things done!