Celibacy

There is a real difference between choosing to be celibate and being celibate without choice. Celibacy by choice is a very positive decision.

Some people begin by being celibate without choice and then choose to be celibate for a variety of reasons. Few people are, interested in sexual activity for the sake of the activity and sharing your sexuality can be a wearying process. First you are not the only one involved and second, sharing your sexuality is seldom an isolated experience: your emotions and your attitudes are both affected. It can also be very timeconsuming.

Choosing to be celibate can be a way to take time out, to put into perspective how you feel about your own sexuality and how you feel about sharing it with someone else. Our society operates on a series of assumptions and expectation based on the belief that your body is an object separated from the rest of your being. Especially when we talk about sexuality, we see those three magic letters which form the word 'Sex' and think sexuality is about fucking: if you are female, it's all to do with fucking males and if you are male, it's all to do with fucking females.

If you are a woman, it is assumed that you are heterosexual and expected to confine yourself to one man. If you are a man, it is assumed you are heterosexual and that you may 'play around' but will eventually 'settle down'. This may only become obvious when you decide to stand back and observe rather than be caught up in the games played by males and females. Celibacy can lead to questioning this definition of [unclear: i; s;a] sexuality - it means not accepting a definition which is imposed by others but defining your sexuality in your own terms.

In celibacy, you can find out your strengths and weaknesses (which you did not know you had because you always relied on others to tell you what they were) and develop your own awareness. This does not mean that you reject other people but it does mean that you do not need to depend on them for your survival or happiness.

One thing you become acutely aware of during a period of celibacy (which may last for a month, or years) is your own autonomy and selfsufficiency just by virtue of operating on your own without feeling the need for approval from others. - especially if you are a women, approval from men. If you do not feel the need to gain approval from others, your time and energy can be put into developing yourself; it can be like discovering another person. You may become aware of your own sexuality/sensuality for the first time because you are not depending on someone else's approval. It is all too easy to accept some one else's definition of your sexuality when you are emotionally, physically or psychologically dependent on them.

Basically though, celibacy gives you the time to find out more about yourself as an individual in relation to yourself, not just in relation to others. Try it. You may find it surprisingly enjoyable most of the time. Nothing is perfect all of the time.