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Salient. Official Newspaper of the Victoria University Students' Association. Vol 44 No. 9. May 4 1981

Sexuality

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Sexuality

Sexuality seems to mean different things to different people. Some people go out of their way to keep it in a neat little box, preferably in a dark and quiet corner (working on an out of sight, out of mind principle, I suppose). Others seem to base their lives around their view of sexuality; their actions and judgements determined by their particular perception. Some define sexuality very narrowly, some broadly and others dont define it at all.

The dictionary definition is not much help either; sexuality is defined as 'of or connected with sex or the sexes,' which doesn't really say or mean much. It wouldn't matter how you defined sexuality if the way sexuality was defined didn't affect other things like people's attitudes, their behaviour, their relationships with other people etc. but it does. Whether you think it should or not -sexuality, the definitions of it, the attitudes towards it and the affect of both on us are part of our lives and living.

The prevailing attitude in western society coming from the Judaic-Christian tradition, has been that sex was only for procreation and that any form of sexuality outside of that was sinful, wasteful, etc. Although it is no longer the only view around, there are enough different views to make the whole issue confusing for the individual.

The 'Sexual Revolution' did very little to change the situation. It may have got rid of a few of the more restrictive attitudes but it imposed many of its own. In terms of liberation it didn't do much at all, it was liberating for very few people, least of all women. If women weren't prepared to 'put out' they were frigid bitches, if they took active roles they became castrating bitches. In fact they were fucked if they did and fucked if they didn't.

While men reaped most of the benefits they paid too. With an emphasis on performance and quantity not quality, things like tenderness (unless it got you somewhere) and emotional commitment went by the board. Unrealistic standards and hang-ups about performance are still very real problems for men perpetuated by men themselves.

Sex and sexuality, and the attitudes around them have always been used to keep people in line. Now they are used to sell everything from toothpaste to trucks and nobody seems any clearer about 'What the hell is sexuality, anyway?'

In our society sexuality and sex are often equated. Sex of course meaning Sex, for which you may read male/female fucking. Personally I think this is a fairly limited view and if that's all there is to it, I'm not interested. Fortunately there are others who feel the same way.

Sexuality seems to have something to do with feelings of physical pleasure (but then so does a warm bath so that is not conclusive). It's hot that simple however, it also has to do with how you feel about yourself and others. The actual physiological changes leading to orgasm have been well documented, and they can occur on your own or with someone else. There is nothing that specifies that they can only occur in male/female fucking, whether sanctified by love and marriage or not. Nor are there any hard and fast rules about why, when, and with whom.

Despite this, however, sexuality in our society is surrounded by rules and regulations and negative social sanctions if you break them. It would help if rule books were published, then at least you would know what they were. Instead we continue to exist amidst double standards like 'men need to prove their virility' and 'good girls don't'; myths like 'women don't enjoy sex and it's harder for them to orgasm', and outright hypocrisy like it's alright for hetrosexual couples to be blatant but not for male homosexuals and lesbians.

It would help in arriving at some sane definition of sexuality if conversations about sexuality got further than "how ya going, getting any?" amongst men, and if women were not constrained by society's repressive attitudes. As long as sexuality is not talked about, or only discussed within the socially accepted limits, the chances of us ever understanding what sexuality is and means is slight. That is not the same as saying we should all be permanently preoccupied with sex (there are enough people who do that already), but that there is plenty of room to explore our own sexuality a bit and to work out what is really there and what is a creation of society's stereotypes.

A tentative definition of sexuality is that it has something to do with physical sensations and responses that produce physiological changes, (leading to more physical sensations) and that the whole lot is affected by how you feel, how you want to feel and what you are thinking. That it is something you determine for yourself and that any attempt to impose an outside definition doesn't work. If there are any rules, they are that people should not be treated as objects or as means to an end, and that how you choose to express your sexuality is your own choice.