A Gem Among Letters

Last Monday I came hurtling at a tremendously ginormous colossal velocity up the drive from Salamanca Road making an H-Iine (no, not B-line, H-line, as in passing in front of the Hunter Building) towards the Union Building (the reason for my fanatically fast fleet footedness was due neither to the imminent danger of falling Hunter bricks nor to the tantalising aromas wafting from the cafe, but because that wonderful paper 'Salient lay within the confines of the aforementioned Union Building) when suddenly, lo and behold, I slowed to a complete standstill, my feet immobilised.

My first thought was that some large-mouthed gum-chewers had sat up all night chewing black gum and then spatted it all upon the ground, or, hang on, was it a large burnt-on-the-outside-gooy-middled pancake? No! some persons, unknown to me, had asphalted the area I was stuck upon. Who authorised this expenditure? Do the ignorant sods not realise that the path from the Union Building down towards Victoria Book Centre is still holed, rutted, uneven and bloody dangerous (not to mention the red and white unfortunate height metal pole) at night, or, is it going to have to wait until some poor bastard trips over and breaks their neck?

T. Sticky-black-footed Sutherland