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Salient. Official Newspaper of the Victoria University Students' Association. Vol 44 No. 2. March 9 1981

Salient notes

Salient notes

"Look. Do yu see that?" asked Paul Wiggins, "It's a hair". "Quid?" asked Jessica Wilson classically, peering at the indicated gap between nose and mouth. As far as she could tell, this shiny tract seemed as white and featureless as the Antarctic ice flows. "Je m'appele Dormobile" she continued linguistically. "But yes!" said Mark Wilson, quickly catching the flow of the conversation. "You're trying to grow a moustache aren't you?" "No!" said Jessica, "Paul is." "Well said Mark, "I remember when I grew a moustache. It's very important to keep them well waxed, otherwise it becomes impossible to..." A huge snort of derision interrupted Mark's fanciful flow. "You could no more grow a moustache than go for a bike ride in the rain". The speaker was revealed as a short balding cripple traversing the countryside on a huge pair of shiny crutches. Andrew continued. "When I grew my moust..." but once again the speaker was doomed to interruption. "Who's got em" rasped Stephen A'Court from his prone position on the floor. "Some dirty rat's flogged my crutches. When I find 'em, I'll burn 'em but good. Anyway, the right barrel's loaded, and the Don's getting scared of accidents. A huge load of buckshot ripped out one wall of the room. "I forgot to mention the goddamn hair trigger" muttered Stephen. "Anyways, who's talking about mossies, 'cos mine was the king". "Tish" said Simon Wilson, who is more experienced in the vicissitudes of growing moustaches than most, "facial hair has to be cultured over a period of months".

Drawing of a hedgehog 'Learning about student politics'

"Tell us some more" said Kevin Swann smugly from behind the thick growth which alone distinguished him from the combatants. Alone? No! In came a nearly square figure totally covered in hair. "Haggaruph-thffthddddd gnuuuuuu" said HM lucidly. Latika Someone edged towards a handy blunt instrument, whilst Jean McKay distracted the beast. "HM is just a pawn in the game of life". But alas, Rachel Barrowman had seen the movie too, and the beast was unmasked. "You over-react my sweet" whispered the dulcet tones of Jonathan Taylor, as, with tempting sherbets he enticed Chris Bourke ever closer to the gaping maw of Paulette Keating, who waited patiently, yellowed fangs dripping poisoned mildew, burbling and choking in her anxiety to rend the unfortunate victim from limb to Harvey Molloy - a shorter logistical jump than most would at first think. As it was, only the semantics of Tracey Cooper stood between a twist of fate and Malcolm Wares (old though he is, there is less in the world to see than he would imagine). Mark Thorburn also had taken his profile rather to heart (figuratively fortunately, or else he would have been the first person in history to stab himself with his own nose). Mark Harris and Roger Tobin hitherto aloof also entered the conversation, but to little avail as Roger's natter was altogether too elevated, while Mark's lapped at people' insteps. As Mary Hubble said "Moustaches rool, OK?" Heh, heh... oh, uh, sorry Fergus, a joke... no offence. Of course you could grow a moustache....

Although it gets rather hairy at times, Salient is edited by Stephen A'Court, published by the Victoria University of Wellington Students Association, and printed by Wanganui Newspapers Ltd, Drews Ave, Wanganui.