Salient Notes

It was just after lunch when Stephen A'Court attacked the filing cabinet. "You filthy bastard" he howled, diving across the room and butting it viciously with his head. Grant Gillatt parted his eyebrows and peered limpidly at Stephen, his nostrils twitching in a simian gesture of inquiry. Apparently unable to come to terms with the obscurity of Stephen's action. Grant turned his wonderously bovine eyes beseechingly towards Rire Scotney who tossed a peppermint onto his lower lip. Peter Beach, obviously motivated by insane jealousy, drew himself up to his full height and bit bob Wallace savagely, just below the knee cap.

An emotional scene was only just avoided by Virginia Adams' timely arrival, almost buried under a vast mountain of zucchinis every one of them dripping with vinegar. Jessica Wilson's delicate olafactory apparatus immediately caught the exquisite fragrance of these rather noisome substances, and she flung herself upon the already overburdened Adams, whimpering with desire. It was horrible. Zucchinis went everywhere Andrew Beach leapt backwards, but he was not fast enough. "Got vinegar all over your new boots, ey" smirked Barry Weeber, nastily.

Meanwhile down in the cafe, Simon Wilson, whose ears are nothing if not acute, heard the faraway smirk. Deciding to join in the cruel taunting, he leapt out of his chair and rushed out out of the cafe, through a display stand, a plate glass window and into a rubbish bin. Lorraine Wilson, who had been enjoying a quiet break from typesetting, gave a nervous start. "Who are you hiding from?" she asked. Simon, whose senses were still somewhat in disarray, could only wave his feet sadly in the air. The sight of an apparently irrelevant pair of feet emerging from a rubbish bin so impressed Mark Wilson that he stopped shaving for a six months and grew a wispy moustache — nearly. Not to be outdone, Jonathon Scott emerged the next day with his hair in unattractive curls, making him look rather like an ill sheep suffering from a severe emotional trauma.

Jonathon Taylor was the only one apparently unaffected by the general nausea. "Well," he grinned, "Graeme Robertson's no beauty either". "You're fairly revolting, you know" hissed Geoff Byng. with all the force he could muster. Andrew Ross however developed a far a way look in his eyes, and weighed up the possible openings for a cosmetic ad. The only sanity that seemed to prevail was from Fergus Barrowman of all people, who sprawled in a corner, training for the competition he was having with Geoff Adams, the winner being the one who failed the most exams.

Salient was edited by Peter Beach, published by VUWSA, Private Bag, Wellington, and printed by Wanganui Newspapers, P.O. Box 433, Wanganui.