Reviewer Issues Challenge

Help! I'm being maligned! Dr Sparrow, you were wrong! They Are out to get me! (And incidentally, Doctor, the rash hasn't gone away, but the Locoid's working wonders.) But back to the matter in hand:

Zounds! A.B. Pointon has caught me with my credentials down. But listen, A. B., you don't know what it's like! Slaving over a hot typewriter deep into the night, ceaselessly screwing one's pretentiousness to the sticking place, one's purile mind distractedly fretting over Kathy Drysdale (oops! now everbody knows!) — oh, you just don't know what it is to be a film critic these days.......

And what thanks do I (sob) get? None! And to think I'm only doing it to finance my grandmother's hysterectomy and buy calipers for my [unclear: or] phaned niece....Oh, is there no charity left in the world?

But seriously, folks. I'm glad A. B. Pointon likes my column, even if s/he misunderstands what I say. Which is probably because I don't understand half what I babble on about, myself. In my case, I make it a policy never to go to the movies I write about.

Still, things must be put right. It was the 3rd time I saw Carrie, Not the 5th, that I noticed the cars driving backwards. So there. But A. B. Pointon is right about many things (I Do buy my own tickets, which has got me an established column, which is great because I just Love to hear the sound of my own voice), so I'll take his/her advice to heart.

Hang on, though. I've just had a brainwave-not something that happens every day, as I'm sure you're aware. Because I think discussion of plays and books and films etc. is desirable, and should be as wide as possible, why don't A. B. and I both write a review for next week's edition? Let's say, of 'Interiors'. Keeping it to about 750 words each, and submitting it by high noon this Wednesday. That way, A. B. Pointon gets to put his/her money where his/her mouth is, and also, Salient's readers get a wider range of opinions with which to compare their own.

The gauntlet is down, A.B.