Salient Notes

"Bad news, boys" exclaimed Geoff Adams with chat air of breathless excitement usually associated with the lower orders of primates. "James Morgan is back in town" Caroline Massof bounded out of her chair with all force (and much of the destructive aftereffects) of a minute man missile. "What do you mean, Boys??!! And what's more, James Morgan's a Man. I'm sick of your purile sexism." Storming around the room like an enraged beer tanker, she grabbed the unfortunate younger Adams, and they were last seen heading for the less savory parts of the wharves.

Andrew Ross looked up in a rather disinterested fashion from his money counting, with the aim of enquiring who the hell James Morgan was anyway, only to find the entire staff in the process of fortifying the office and laying in for a big siege. Stephen A'Court, by virtue of his US marines-type hair cut, was appointed officer in charge of the defence. He was bounding around, dressed in army fatigues with a cute little bovver hat on his head, his foot-long moustaches flowing in the wind behind him.

Soon this human hurricane had the hatches firmly battened down and the staff were congratulating themselves on their preparedness. Simon Wilson, because he was considered the most expendable, was bundled into a flak jacket and hurled out the door to make a recce. "Don't make me go out there" he whimpered. The poor wee laddies' squeak' and whimpers were suddenly cut off when a huge shadow fell across him.

The startled staff listened to his horrible cries as the terrible James Morgan did his worst. Virginia Adams nearly broke down. "Oh, I must do something about his awful plight." Andrew Beach was hurled out as an appeasement, and was found on the doorstep some hours later, a small pellet of fur, wearing bent glasses.

Meanwhile Fergus Barrowman was experimenting with hydroponic farming, using [unclear: Bru] Robinson as a growing medium. Paul Norms expressed concern about the harmful effects could have on the environment, and Peter Be agreed, suggesting that perhaps we, should [unclear: intigate] further the possibilities of nuclear [unclear: powticipating] the unset of winter, Kathryne [unclear: Flem] was knitting everyone warm wooly jumpers, [unclear: sing] Stephens recently departed locks as material. Even Lorraine Wilson made a sacrifice, sling her lovely typesetting machine to raise [unclear: ney].

When last heard of the staff were still trap in the office, awaiting for an act of God to [unclear: recue] them.

Salient was edited by a badly scared Peter Beach, and published (from a careful distance by the Victoria University Students' Association. It was printed by fearless Wanganui New papers, Drews Ave, Wanganui.