Last Wednesday, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and a cool breeze was wafting over the green hills of Wellington. Aghast and horrified, I bundled myself into a duffle coat and rushed for the darkest, smokiest recesses of the Union Building - the Union Hall.. To my consternation I found myself in the middle of an SRC.

Barely visible through the hail of darts, Paul Norman was regaling us with tales of things to come. Apparently capping is upon us, and Paul is seeking people to do ridiculous things. Just when he was in full flight, the programme was interrupted for a word from our sponsors. Despite efforts to cut down the number of these commercials, it has proved impossible to remove one or two of these tiresome affairs, such as reports, motions and such like. And it was reports which interrupted Paul's flight of fancy.

However these usually staid affairs took on a new aspect, charged with emotion and drama. Just after Geoff Adams had presented his report on the Bursarys March, Debra Montgomery leapt up and proposed a motion thanking Geoff for the valuable work he did, and recognising that without his dedication, the March would not have been the success that it was.

Speaking to the motion, Debra said that the lack of support many members of the Exec gave to this and other campaigns was terrible. All they were prepared to do was rush around carrying megaphones and banners, taking all the lime light without doing the hard work that went into organising the march. Obviously a case of not putting their shovels where their mouths are. The motion was, of course, passed. 'Aw shucks," blubbered Geoff, "I didn't know you cared....... I don't know what to say..." His body wracked with sobs, he was gently led back to his chair, where he wept into a handkerchief for the rest of the meeting.

Chairman Tees, his firm hand guiding the meeting, decided we might as well hear a few more motions. Peni Lomaloma zoomed to the front, and requested we give $100 to the Fiji Clubs Hurricane relief fund. After giving a moving and excellent speech, the motion was passed like a shot.

Enter Laurel and Hardy

Never slow to sense money in the air, Phil Sowman and Gerard Winter then presented a humble petition for two one way fares to Christchurch. It goes like this, you see. UCSA has invited Vic to send two representatives to their chunder mile. Perhaps justifiably, Phil and Gerard felt they would be our best representatives at this hallowed occasion. While no-one at the meeting had any objection to the tickets being one way, it was wondered why we had to pay for then After all, the sports council has quite a large budget, and Phil has one or two contacts there.

In a cunning flanking move, Phil and Gerard (hereafter referred to as P and G) explained that this was a wonderful opportunity to further our cultural heritage, and provide us with a chance to broaden our outlook and gain an understanding of our fellow students in the provinces. "Fie", "Boo" and "Hiss" screamed the masses. "You bounders" exclaimed P and G, "We'll get you back". And so they did. It's like this, you see.

Elections for NZUSA Council

We had to elect our representatives for May Council, that august occasion when Interested Persons from all the universities gather to sort out NZUSA policy. First up was Chief Delegate (2 positions) Standing for this were Simon Wilson, Caroline Massof, Andrew Tees and P and G. First to speak was Simon (a rugged young newly-wed who lists his hobbies as model planes, origami and under water basket weaving). Being an active lad, he has already been to two councils - he was chief delegate last August.

From left to right and down: Andrew Tees, Simon Wilson, Phil Sowman and Gerard Winter (firmly united) and Caraline Massof.

A chief delegate must have experience of the working of council, and must have a full knowledge of the policy of VUWSA. More than this, s/he must be dedicated to the [unclear: spiect] of this policy. Simon certainly fulfills the first two criterion, and claimed that he would satisfy the third as well.

Down he sat and up bounded Caroline, who basically repeated what Simon had said. Caroline has been to two councils as Womens Rights delegate and is currently Women VP of VUWSA. To tumultous applause she returned to her seat, and the game came round to Andrew. Andrew explained that he has an excellent knowledge of Vic policy and the the workings of NZUSA. He has, however, never been to a council, and came in for a lot of fire at question time.

Paul Norman, resurrected as a steely eyed robber baron, led the attack. "Bah" he sneered twirling his moustache and brandishing a rapier, "How can you pretend to represent the policy of VUWSA when at the AGM you actively opposed existing policy, and have in the past attempted to hinder the execution of said policy" Andrew leapt for Paul's throat, in passing accusing his fellow Exec members of just about every sin short of sodomy.

Tees Defeated

Suavely filling the ensuing empty space behind the podium, P and G explained why they should go to council. Their reasons were very compelling. They wanted to get to Christchurch one way or another, and this presented a nice chance. Besides, Gerard wants to "fuck up NZUSA". After forcibly ejecting P and G from the room, we were able to vote on the position. Simon and Caroline were quite convincingly returned as delegates, and we zoomed on to the next contest.

This was Finance and [unclear: Administra] for which Peter Beach. Peter Edward rew Tees, and P and G were standing [unclear: tor] Edwards is this year's treasurer of [unclear: new] and therefore has some knowledge of finances. Blow me down if Peter [unclear: Bea] produce a coherent, audible speech [unclear: with] nearly everyone understood. Vastly [unclear: in ressed], the dumbfounded audience [unclear: efe] Peter and Peter their delegates.

Undeterred, P and G prepared their campaign which was for the position [unclear: on] cation delegate. Standing for this, as [unclear: known] as you-know who, was Geoff Adams [unclear: and] Kathryn Fleming. Geoff slowed his [unclear: th] hing display of emotion to say that [unclear: he] Education Officer, and if he was not [unclear: el] he would bash our heads in. Quick to up the offensive, Kathryn said that [unclear: although] she was only a second year student she very strong, and anyway, she has been vious councils and is very concerned [unclear: ab] education. "Wow" we said, "They're [unclear: for] us." and so they were.

Hell set on going to Christchurch, [unclear: p] G decided to contest the position of [unclear: in] national Affairs delegates. Their [unclear: unfof] opponents were Leonie Morris and [unclear: Rg] Wood, who were, despite the strength a convincing arguments of their [unclear: opposite] duly elected.

"More delegates, more delegates" [unclear: the] assembled throng yelled." We can't [unclear: have] this" mumbled Stephen A'Court in a baritone rumble and leapt into a phone booth. He emerged as Super Stephen National Commission candidate and [unclear: va] quisher of P and G. Anything you can I can do better chanted Lindy Cassidy, [unclear: a] waded into fray. Once the formality [unclear: wi] over, and Stephen and Lindy were [unclear: elect] we moved onto Women's Rights [unclear: delegal]

P and G get into Drag

"Aha", we said. "They'll never stand for this". How wrong we were, standing on the anti-male discrimination platform P and G were well to forefront in [unclear: the] election. Whimpering with rage at this irreverent attack on women's rights, [unclear: vir] ginia Adams and Debra Montgomery rush into the fray, saying that they would be very vocal in the defence of women's right — a rather self-evident statement we all thought.

Once the formality of an election was disposed of, we moved onto the lucky last position - that of Accomodation and Welfare delegate. Only one person was required for this position. And what a tussle developed. Tim Rocheford was at his [unclear: stammering] best, and once again Andrew Tees launched himself into the offensive. To everyone's surprise, amazement and admiration, P and G stood for this position, saying they would split the fare for this trip, and it was positively their last offer. "Ha ha" came the derisive yell, and they were sent packing.

So what eventuated was that our President will not be an official delegate to Council - an unprecedented event. It is hard to know where Andrew's support comes from for SRC has never been known to back him up. Where the future will lead only time [unclear: we] tell.

As it happened, the meeting ended here and everyone fled to their lectures. The [unclear: only] sound, after the ambulance left was Simon Wilson humming "I shot the Sheriff"

Andrew Beach