SRC Moving Heaven and Earth

The Capping SRC took place on May 17th 1978 with Lindy Cassidy in the chair and the quiet and unassuming John Hebenton as secretary. Apologies were accepted from Phyliss Wong and that trusty regular Julian Heyes.

The first motion to be considered by this SRC was from Michael Carr-Gregg and Peter Niculescu. Carr-Gregg himself, eloquent and debonair as ever declared the necessity for the appointment of a Men's rights officer. This was no frivolour motion, he said, for men were opressed in many ways. Men are forced, among other things, to paint roofs, make the first move in sexual encounters, and hide their true sentiments, living in life-long trepidation of being branded a homosexual.

Gerard Winter stood up, supposedly to oppose the motion, but used the opportunity mainly to tell several rather lewd jokes, in extremely doubtful taste. The gist of his argument was that men had always had rights and know them perfectly well and therefore do not need an officer to uphold their rights.

What followed was a flagrant denial of the basic and fundamental democratic righ rights of students. The motion was put to the vote, and it was clear to all that the vast majority of those present supported it. The Chairperson, however emulating the democratic principles of Indira Ghandi, ruled the motion lost. Responding to the frenzied indignation of the crowd, she protested that as a mere Arts student, she had a distinct difficulty in counting. This controversial motion was held over for next week's SGM, a cunning tactic, for it will become constitutional if passed.

At this point, the meeting, hitherto so promising began to degenerate into an anarchic and muddled bore. Richard Bowman suggested that men only should have a vote at this meeting, and this was carried. There followed a rather embarrasing charade, in which a monkey of some description attempted in vain to persuade us that members of his species should have the right to self etermination. Amongst cries of "Be a dagg, drop off, the ape mysteriously disappeared. It was later revealed that the monkey was Andrew Tees thinly disguised.

John Hebenton, still rabidly denying the rumours circulating about his extra-marital relationship with a Masai Goatherd, (Pull the other one, John!) stood with Gerard Winter in a motion that our esteemed President, Lindy Cassidy should lie upon the table "with Heaven and Earth"! Lindy being female, and unable to speak, nominated Winter himself to speak against his own motion, on her behalf. In an eloquent speech, he advocated a lesser penalty, namely that she should merely kneel upon the said table. This was rejected, and she was indeed forced to lie upon the table, though "Heaven and Earth" were conspicuously absent.

Hebenton in a rather frail attempt to cover up his own inadequacies proposed that the members of the "press gang", (Tees, Winter, Hebenton) should become the governing Body of the Students Association, and should receive a $3,000 a month honourarium, in recognition of their their service. Some of the lunatic fringe stood up to support the motion. An unknown individual of questionable sanity, proposed a slightly perverse amendment to this motion, namely that the money only be awarded if the Press Gang performed their duties in the nude. The Amendment seemed to be disregarded and the original motion was not passed, showing the hostility that the spartan remnants of the original milling throng felt towards the "Gang of Three".

After this thrilling episode, our hearts still pounding rapidly, Andy Tees made another feeble attempt to voice his opinion, and was shouted down. There was a suggestion from the cheap seats that Lindy Cassidy be allowed to speak, this was passed and she expressed the opinion, generally held, that the meeting was a bore. There followed a few minor motions, among which was one that at future Capping SRC's, DB should be sold so that the spine-shattering dullness of the whole thing be slightly mellowed. By this time the meeting was in its death throes, and we put it out of its misery by dispersing, after being led by Lindy Cassidy in a brief, but moving rendition of "Solidarity Forever".

Contributed by an animal of little brain.