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Salient. Newspaper of Victoria University of Wellington Students Association. Vol 41 No. 6. April 3 1978

Burble Burble

Burble Burble

Dear Sir,

Hello I'd like to talk to you about the selective dialysis of Calcium containing proteins, but my genital speech defect, i.e. talking a load of cobblers, puts it out of the question. One topic of interest is, "How long is a piece of string when it's wet", but the answer is so obvious as to rule out its use as a post-doctoral research topic. Golf shoes could be used as a thesis topic, but if you've got a hole-in-one you'll probably have to throw the pair away.

However, this is deviating rather (for further deviations phone Olga) from the matter in hand, which is, "What is the question?" Bertrand Russel) (brother of Ken) could not have put it better, which is probably why he didn't, or so his wife tells me. But enough of circumlocution (brother of Electro) and let us get straight to the point. "Aha," I hear you cry, "What is the point?" Well, it's that thing on the end of a sharp pencil (or a sharp piece of string if you prefer).

But in all seriousness, life as we know it is unlikely to exist on another planet, because, as any fool knows, God never makes the same mistake twice. If He did, He wouldn't be perfect, and we'd have to write he instead of He. Anyway, you can't believe all you read in the papers if you did you might think that you were a smelly little person with an under-developed chest, mouth, foot and underarm odour, and what hair that you had left could only be saved by washing it in flouride toothpaste.

And, in conclusion, may I say that, as Regius Professor of Nothing At All, I am not allowed to say anything at all, that being my speciality. However, if you, or yours, or somebody elses would care to name a new species, building, planet or physical law after me, then you'll have to wait until I've done it first.

The author of this work has recently been installed as Permanent Undergraduate in the Biochemistry Dept.

Dacombe-Bird

(I'd say you should have been installed as a floor mat. —typstr)