Letters must be short, double spaced on one side of the page and accompanied by a rubric, a short precis and a suitable character reference. Letters should also be accompanied by a donation to the Buy David Tripe A New Frontal Lobe Fund and a lawyers letter signing away all future income to NZVSA. Letters can be put in the Salient letterbox or left in the basket at the Studass Office. Hate letters should be delivered personally. Salient attempts to print all letters except for those which are unprintable. Finally we would like to thank those readers who wrote in but we are unable to reveal the name of the person involved in the alleged bestiality scandal as there has been an allegation that one of the melons involved was undersized and the matter is now sub judice. In any case, the arm in question was already broken. We would like also to thank the reader who sent a suggestion regarding cucumbers and we intend to use this material in our forthcoming series "What vegetables can do for you". Finally, we would like to apologize to our readers for the reprinting of our previous letters spiel in the last issue. This unfortunate event occurred because our resident lunatic was on holiday and nobody else was bent enough to write a new one.