Dear Sir,

After going to see 'Lawrence of Arabia' last week, and having time to waste before sittings political Science examination. I decided to spend twenty-five cents to partake in one of your 'Nut Rolls', which, are as your packaging suggests, 'better than ever'! Having never eaten one before I cannot verify this fact, but they seem to be very good indeed. Having travelled within the middle East and having lived with a Bedouin family in Jordan for two months, and having seen your advert, on television suggesting that 'Strange things happen when you eat nut roll', imagine my consternation when after eating all the nut roll, including the crumbs, I was not, as I had expected to be, whisked off to some far away Arabian polentare or middle Eastern State by some gorgeous Sheik or Oil millionaire. I was not even whisked sway on a magic carpet to some bejewelled Bedouin tent. Understand that I am not a greedy or selfish person, and had I been carried off not only would I have been able to visit friends in Syria and Jordon, but I would also have been able to help New Zealand's current economic problems — being with a wealthy oil millionaire in Saudi Arabia I would have used my amazing charm and vital personality to channel Cheap oil sales to New Zealand at no great expense to myself. When having eaten one Nut Roll, and getting no results, I thought to myself about the problem, and coming to the conclusion that of the thousands of Nut Rolls produced by your company each year, the possibility of having eaten a dud crossed my mind. Do understand that I am not complaining unduly about the dud. After all, by the law of averages it is possible to produce failures. So willing to give you every chance to prove yourself I rushed off to buy another one. Again nothing. I have decided that it could be that I am using either the wrung deodorant or my toothpaste is ineffective. So what I have decided to do is rush home this afternoon, buy a bubblebath, some MUM anti-persperent and a large tube of Colgate, and then bring out my Jordanian Caftan and bedouin jewellery. Having bathed in asses milk, and bubble bath, cleaned my teeth etc. and dressed in traditional style. I will then begin to eat my way through a whole carton of Nut Rolls bought at the Vic. University Shop. So I hope that in the near future you hear from abroad, news that an amazingly beautiful, charming, witty and intelligent (nb. the political science — I could become an advisor to NZ on Middle Eastern Affairs), lady is taking the Middle East by storm: and you will know that it was You and Nestles (may they live a long and happy life) that made it all possible.

Thank you. Nestles, I salute you.

Yours in anticipation

Arabella Ross.