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Salient. Victoria University Students' Newspaper. Volume 39, Number 23. September 20, 1976

Harold Hedd and Elmo in you asked for it! "Wings over Tijuana" or "Biggles flys North or some fuckin thing like that"

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Harold Hedd and Elmo in you asked for it! "Wings over Tijuana" or "Biggles flys North or some fuckin thing like that"

HAROLD HEDD AND ELMO YOU ASKED FOR IT! in WINGS OVER TIJUANA" OR "BIGGLES FLYS NORTH" OR SOME FUCKIN THING LIKE THAT THANK CRIST FOR SINKS! SHIT!... NCON ALREADY AN I'M JUST HAULIN MY ASS OUTA THE SACK DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE UGETING UP ANYMORE! THAT'S THE WORRY FOR IT. I M JADED.. BORED! MMMMM.... STANDING FOR THE QUEEN' EH? NATURALLY IT WONT GO DOWN UNTIL I'VE HAD A FEES! AND OF COURSE I CAN'T FISS UNTIL IT GOES DOWN... SMPLE A MANEK OF LEVATION. WHAT I NEED IS SOME EXCITEMENT IN MY LIFE! ADVENTURE! BAM BAM BAM COOH! ...JEEZUZ ..THE LANPLAY I'D RECOGINIZE THAT FROM ROOFER KNOCK ANYWHERE HMMMMM... MUST BE THE FRIST OF THE MONTH... ... BUT WHAT MONTH I HOPE I LOCKED THAT FUCKIN DOWN! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE HEN HEN.. SNIKER THE ARACJIND FREAKS OUT! FEEBER FEEBER YAHABIT SCREEEEECH LIKEWISE THE LANDLADY WHEN CLOSE OH NO THAT BROKEN WINDUW SHE CAN RECAH THE DOOR MATCH WRITS WITH ME EH?... YOU OLD CUNT! HMMMM... THAT WASN'T TO BRIGHT ... THE MINUTE SHE TOUCHES MY FINGERS SH'LL HAVE ME COLD! OH OH! NOW TO SLITHER OUT THE BACK POOR BEFORE SHE TAKES IT AGAIN GAWDAM!... THE OLD DOUCHE BAG MUSTA RUN AROUND THE BACK NOK NOK SCREECH WORSE! ITS MY CHINES ORCER AND BROUGHT AND OF HEAVIES FROM THE TONS

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THAT SUNUVANITHIN CHECK MUSTA BOUNKED! NOK NOK HMMM.."CANNON TO THE RIGHT OF ME...CANNON TO THE LEFT OF ME!" BAM THUMP THINK THEY'VE GOT ME TRAPPED DO THEY? HAH!!...LETTLE DO THEY REAHZE THAT THEY'RE DEALING WITH A TRUE PARANOIAC! HAROLD SPACED AS USUAL LAPSES INTO ONE OF HIS INFANTILE DAYDREAMS MUST GET THRU THE BOCHE LINES AND WARN THE REGIMENT? OUT THE FUCKING ESCAPE MATCH! CRASH NYUK ACH!ZO...EIN GESHTUNNENER ENGLANDER! RAUSE MIT! SCHVENHJNT! SCHNELL! SCHNELL! OH NO.! A HEILIE! WELL ACTUALLY.... HI MR HEDD! WATCHA DOON CRAWLIN AROUN ONNA GROUND MR. HEDD HUNH? GOT ENNY FOP BODDILES MR. HEDD HUNH? NUNH? HANYA? MJU? KING GROGRE AND ENGLAND! GOTTEN MIMMEL! NOW WHILST THEY'RE ENGAGED AT THE FRONT AND THE REAR I'LL JUST SLIP OUT THE SIDE AN DOWN FENCE LINE TO STREE OUIET!- YOU LITTLE SWINE - OR I'LL BREAK EVERY LIMB ON YOUR EMACIATED LITTLE BODY! THERE HE IS! YOO HOO MR. HEDD FUCK THEY;VE SPOTIED ME! A BUS! mR. HEDD HOLD THAT BUS! TING ROAR HA HA HA HA HAH! EAT DUST YOU FUGGERS! BLA-BA-BLA GOOD GOD! WHAT AM I DOING?! ...GULP... ..HEH..HEH... HOWZ IT GOIN FOLKS?... ...HEN... JEEZUS I NEED A DRINK... ....GUESS I'LL TRUCK ON DOWN TJ THE ANCHOR' AAAHH.. ...NOW FOR A QUIET GAME OF POOL

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OOPS! SORRY WHAT!? SAYYYY... WHAT ARE YOU?.... ..SOME KINDA PERVERT OR SUMP'N? CERTAINLY NOT! IT'S MERELY THAT THERE'S EVIDENCE TO SUGGEST A CONNECTION BETWEEN UNWARRANTED VIOLENCE AND SUPPRESSED SEXUALITY... ....WHICH IS FURTHER BORNE OUT BY OBSERVING THE ACTIONS OF OUR CLOSE RELATIVES THE PRIMATES-WHEREOPON THE WEAKER SUBMISSIVELY OFFERS HIS ...AH...HINDQUARIERS WHEN CONFRONTED WITH AN OBVIOUSLY STRONGER OPPONENT, THUS TRANSMUTING THE AGGRESSORS PASSION FROM RAGE TO SEXUAL FERVOR...(HRUMPH) BESIDES ...YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY THAT DOSE IT!... NOT ONLY ARE YOU A FAGGOT BUT... YOU'RE A GAWDAM INTELLECTUAL TO BOOT! PUDDEN UP! PUDDEN UP!! SIGH YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN FUCKING...AND YOU SEEM INCAPABLE OF INTELLECTULIZATION YET YOU STILL WISH TO DOMINATE ME...TSK TSK ...I'M TRYING VERY HARD TO FULFIL BOTH OUR NEEDS SIMULTANEOUSLY BUT YOU'RE NOT HELPING MUCH SORRY!!?... LOOKIT THIS MESS!!! ...TAKE OFF THOSE GLASSES I'M GONNA REARRANGE YOUR FACE! MMMM... YESSS...WELL ...FRAID NOT OLD MAN.. ...GIVEN UP PHYSICAL VIOLENCE, Y'ESS FRIGHTFUL WASTE OF ENERGY... ...BLO0DLY INFANTILE TOO!! DON'T FIGHT EH ?? WELL THIS IS YOUR UNLUCKY DAY, FELLA!...CAUSE I DO! DHHH COULDN'T WE GUST... ....FUCK INSTEAD? I HAVE IT! WHY DON'T WE PLAY A GAME OF POOL? FINE DOMINATION GAME, POOL... ...YOU'LL NOTICE THE PRONOUNCED PHALLIC QUALITIES INHERENT IN THE CUE .. NOT TO MENTION THE ORGASMC MANNER IN WHICH THE BALLS ARE PROPELLED INTO THE POCKETS I ASSUME YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH GAME? GIMME THAT CUE!! I'LL SHOW YOU HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED! OCR!.. OWW.. WHAT THE FUCKL?... KRAK! WELL SHEE -IT! ...BRAWLING IN THE ANCHOR AT TWO IN AFTERNOON... ..THIS DETERIORATING RAPIDLY... MY DRESS! WHY YOU... COGSUGGN MUTHFUGGING SUNBITCHIN....SHITEATH.... I'M GOONA WRAP THAT GODDAM STICK AROUND YOUR NECK! AHHH...BUT...UH...AH...BU..DEAH B'DEAH.. OFFER TO FUCK HIM! ...WORKS EVERY TIME!...HEH HEH AAHHH'.....FRIST TODAY HELL WITH IT! ...I'LL SLIP INTO THE ALLEY AN LIGHT UP A LOG ALRIGHT YOU ... THIS IS A RUSTY BUT HAROLD -HIS REACTION TIME HONED TO A RAZOR EDGE BY YEARS OF PARANOIA - INHALES THE JOINT AT A GULP CHOMP GULP SCARE CHEW.. TO BE Continued.......

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