Weir House Apples

We are sorry that you caught Weir House on what was (unfortunately) a very bad day The management suggests you try our specialty rotten pears. They are a connoisseur's dream and decidedly superior to mere apples. The dull ponk as they connect and the resulting splat is sheer poetry.

The management has noted your complaint and assures you that it will not happen again. Henceforth pears only will be served on Thursdays - the main course has an E.T.A. of 9pm. We hope that this arrangement is suibable.

Serviettes will be supplied hall an hour before the main course. These paper napkins will be placed in convenient places on the footpath leading up to Kelburn Park. Feel tree to pick one up as they are there for your convenience.

The soup is contained in a bucket (capable of generous servings) that is at the permanent ready. It is quite a simple task to deliver the soup from C-floor down to the floor, so do not hesitate to make your need known.

Mr Anton, I am sure that by now you are aware of the comprehensive services that Weir House avails to passers by. Your experience was unfortunate insofar as you received only a entree to the vast services possible.

Your complaint has been duly noted and such an inept and (to coin a phrase) shabby incident will not occur again. We are there to provide such services so do not hesitate to ask. Cable car patrons do have preference as we have a standing arrangement with the WCC.

Yours of the first instance (but hoping there will be a second and a third, and a fourth and a fifth ....

The Manager of Weir Takeaways.