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Salient. Victoria University Student Newspaper. Volume 39, Number 14, 5 July 1976.

Crowned by a Weir House Apple

Crowned by a Weir House Apple

Dear Fuckwits of Weir House,

In the past, you seem to have been content to throw toilet rolls from your high balcony down towards the cable car. The reasons for your artistry are obscure -perhaps poor potty training - and the results are ugly - but then a work of art expresses the relationship of the artist to his environment.

But at 9pm on Thursday last (24th) one of your inmates, flexed biceps honed (like his precepts) in rugby scrums and flung a large greenish apple at me walking below, which bounced off my hand and leg. Now this was quite an accurate shot - the nearly vertical drop means you only missed braining me by about a foot. Apart from wasting an apple, and nearly wasting me, no harm has been done. But how can anyone supposedly well educated care so little about people. I know the academic qualifications to Weir Mouse have been removed, but mental retardation is an inadequate excuse.

Personally, I think of you in the same category as the wit who defaced the new wooden Maori sculpture by scratching crosses and "ballocks" on it.

Our schooling system lives in a fairytale world ("post-conventional") where irresponsible stupidity is never punished unless it threatens the dream. Pregnancy is real but contraceptive advice is not necessary because pregnant girls leave. I think you have come to University in an attempt to stay in the nursery. Well, we don't insist you grow up, but would prefer that you did.

So next time you are up on that balcony, make a strong effort to act ten years older than usual, and, newly adolescent, frustrated in your single sex environment - masturbate! But don't do it when people are below, because if your prick falls off from the cold, the coroner will be embarrassed.

Bye for now, Applecrumble Anton.