Another in a Scries of Nauseating Drivel

Jav Ville is a great big slob. He is miserly and arrogant, and, as Muggkton-Spofforth knows only too well, vindictive to boot. He never uses any deodorant, and his argument and armpits are of the same malodorous order.

Ville never eradicated Muggleton- Spofforth (whose real name, should anyone care, is John Smith). He never will. This is an arduous task, beyond a wretched amateur like Ville. His incapacity to get his adversary's name right is a measure of his hitherto success, lie is the bungler.

To give you an example, I was in the James Cook on Thursday. So was Ville, who was dousing a rear-admiral in fire-extinguisher liquid and screaming 'you toady, you turd, attica attaboy', and generally destroying our relations with the US. As the naval big-wig was going to an audience with Rocky, Ville was grappled by seven CIA 'shootists'. He was subsequently charged in the magistrates court with obscene use of a safety appliance and attempted assignation with a U.S. Vice Pepsodent, al though the second charge was dropped, AS it was misspelt and an incitement to perjury.

Ville was represented by Skyster, Flywheel and Grarabbit, defence lawyers without apparel. Rocky employed Suckerschmuck and Schiemee, whose ethnic origins are obscure. Proceedings were orderly, until Ville was cross-examined by Suckerschmuck. Asked for his name, Ville yelled abusively 'I've done jobs for you arse-crusher. I've done your jobs' The omnipresent and nullascient Lloyd Gob then interrupted from the gallery, and when I was brought round by the application of smelling salts. Rocky was saying 'someone else always does' my work when there's a lot of shit involved'.

Meanwhile, Ville had dropped his trousers and tried to challenge Rocky to a duel of gender. The magistrate ordered Ville to get dressed again, whereupon Shyster said that Ville was a 'rudist' and the court was cleared.

Flywheel's mistress performed unusual acts of pedarastic derring-do with one of Rocky's limosines, and then came the news that Grabbit was attempting to bribe the presiding magistrate with a ticket to the Johannesburg test. Eventually Ville was fined $75, and ordered to pay costs. 'Who?' asked Ville, ingenuously; but by now the cause and the case were lost.

That give you a good idea of what a pathetic and nauseating jerk Ville can be, and just what become of justice once the dummy is given any rein. But no more of Ville on Muggleton-Spofforth, please. Sleeping dogs lie and all of that.