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Salient. Victoria University Student Newspaper. Volume 39, Issue 3. 15th March [1976]

Z - K Mugmouth Sputin's Mate

Z - K Mugmouth Sputin's Mate

Dearest Ed,

If you are still alive, you may well be interested to discover that I am appalled to see that A-K Mugmouth - Sputin is out on parole. Life sentences are just not what they used to be. This release from capitivity may be Mouthwash-Spasm's greatest con and thereby something to regard with awe; it is also an abomination. As such it is on a par with Auschwitz and Rita Hayworth's silicone jobs of 1957. Worse still, it appears that our degrading and gruesome penal system did nothing to discourage Malodorous-Spike's compulsion to air his turgid and obscene views on academic fidelity.

In 1957, Moronic-Spike was found guilty of attempting to assassinate the vice-chancellor of North-Western. His defence counsel argued long, and to no avail, that the said gentleman sold Chicagoan structutalism (the linquistic variety) to a 'pack of French buggers' (presumably Levi-Strauss et al). For fifteen years the ghastly Masquerade- Spine was languishing in Wanganui's Deer Park. Then two years ago, and a mere six months after the termination of this rigorous sentence, Mud-eye-Spawn was given life at the Old Bailey. This was expected, as, on June 3 1974, the amoeba-minded Mapping Spaniel destroyed the east wing of Magdalen College, because 'it perpetrated the Edocrine Heresy'. But it seems that justice is always open to exploitation, and an old master, such as Myopia-Spanking, will pervert its course.

That is why I abominate your printing of that absurd missive and insist you make no effort to answer his ridiculous question.

Yours faithfully,

— Mort Derther.

(abridged - Ed)