Salient Notes

These staff notes double as a report of the marvellously successful Salient forum held last Monday in the Union Hall to witness one of the most entertaining forums held in this University for several years. The notes are in fact a verbatim record of the record taken by a constable from the Taranaki Street Politzei, as released by the PM after considerable noise from the Opposition. A student in dark glasses passed them over at Taupo airport, leapt on a sheep and rode away. (Deleted portions are the responsibility of yon PM who says it was "on the grounds of good taste) Now read on . . .

". . . Speaking first was Editor Bruce Robinson who, to a storm of jeers, catcalls, rotten tomatos (spelling as in original - Ed), molotov cocktails and atom bombs specially imported from France for the event, announced his satisfaction with the standard of this years Salients. John Henderson (section deleted), hairing the forum, retired hurt after 10 minutes and was replaced by a placid John Ryall who took immediate measures to quell the ugly storm that was arising by calling in the armed guard. Unfortunately they never turned up (section deleted) so a paramilitary organisation consisting of Photographer Ross Abernathy, Lionel Klee, (name deleted). Audrey Young, Carolyn Bowman and Bryony Hales was called into operation, lobbing tear gas. Mills grendades, napalm and paper darts into the seething mass of sheeplike fascists. The napalm, grendades, and tear gas had absolutely no effect, but the paper darts succeeded in controlling the rioting crowd who, mistaking them for manna, stuffed them down their gullets and retched violently all over the lovely Union Hall floor. The implications of this for crowd control measures are interesting and we should perhaps . . . (section deleted) A cleanup detail of Quentin Roper was then called in to tidy up, and subsequently used the vomited paper as subject . . . (section deleted) The red army of the (section deleted) consisting of Jules Maher, Anthony Ward, Peter Franks and Gyles Beckford were then called in and proceeded to disperse the crowd with subtle use of AK 47s, typhus and malaria bacteria, and cold sick. David Newton and Gary (as opposed to John) Henderson (records please note) sat on the floor and lamented the senseless violence taking place around their ears. They were quickly given the treatment all good (section deleted) and flushed down the middle floor toilets. Our heartfelt thanks and regards to NZUSA who did nothing last week so we could get away with a 12 page issue and did not have to waste another 4 pages reporting (abusive abjectives deleted) NZUSA meetings. Our equally hearfelt regards to Johnathon Hughes who nearly equalled John Henderson's 1974 record by occupying the Salient office for 2 hours, 34 minutes without doing any work at all. John's effort which has been repeatedly challenged but never broken stands at 3 hours 15 minutes, the nearest challenger being Colin Feslier, who in April of this year missed out by only seven minutes when he unconsciously crossed out the misspelt word Catholic on a page of copy.