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where do You stand?

It is becoming rather difficult these days to know which causes to support - there are so many around, and so many shades of political opinion associated with them. To help people caught up in these sort of difficulties, Salient publishes the following guide to your political standing. It was revised from the Waikato University broadsheet "Desperate Dan", Vol IV, No. 5, by Anthony Ward.

Instructions

1.	Do not cheat.
2.	Answer all the questions below - if none is very appropriate, tick the closest.
3.	Work out your score from the table at the end.
4.	Read the appropriate section at the end and you will know your very own political standing.

1.	Which University Department do you like best? (a) Business Administration; (b) Sociology (c) History; (d) Zoology; (e) Information Science.
2.	If you had to live in one of the following countries, which would you choose? (a) South Korea; (b) North Korea (c) France (d) New Zealand; (e) Nepal.
3.	Which of these films would you most like to see tonight? (a) The Green berets'; (b) The Battle of Algiers'; (c)'The Towering Inferno'; (d) 'Tommy'; (e) 'Frankenstein rises from the Grave'.
4.	If you had to watch Television tonight, which programme would you prefer? (a) In the Bag', (b) 'World in Action'; (c) 'Close to Home'; (d) War & Peace'; (e) 'The Basil Brush Show'.
5.	With whom would you most like to have morning tea tomorrow? (a) The Chief Justice; (b) the Studass president; (c) the Head of your Department; (d) the Vice-Chancellor; (e) TV1's Complaints Officer.
6.	If you could travel back in time, which of these historical figures would you most like to be? (a) Kubbla Khan; (b) Ho Chi Minh; (c) William Massey (d) Michael Joseph Savage; (e) Eva Braun.
7.	If you were offered a free subscription to one of the following publications, which would you choose? (a) Reader's Digest; (b) Peking Review; (c) Newsweek; (d) Ramperts; (e) True Love Romances.
8.	What would you prefer as a pet? (a) an alsatian; (b) no pet at all; (c) a pony; (d) a stray cat; (e) a Llama.
9.	The Prime Minister has resigned and you have to vote in the Labour Caucus for his successor. Who do you vote for? (a) Mick Connelly; (b) Mat Rata; (c) Martyn Finlay; (d) Bob Tizard; (e) Sir Basil Arthur.
10.	Students are: (a) dirty parasites; (b) trainees for the elite; (c) a good investment; (d) the hope of the future; (e) good tiddly winks players.
11.	Which of the following would you prefer for dinner tonight? (a) an 18-course banquet of costly imported foods and wines served in silver dishes and crystal goblets by liveried flunkies; (b) a bowl of rice; (c) spaghetti bolognaise; (d) steak and eggs; (e) strawberries and cream.
12.	Which of those do you think you deserve tonight? (a);(b),(c);(d);(e).
13.	Which of these politicians do you admire most? (a) Michael Fowler; (b) David Shand; (c) Dennis Foot; (d) Tony Brunt; (e) Margaret Gellea.
14.	If you could grow only one vegetable in your garden, what would you do? (a) ask the gardener; (b) grow rice; (c) grow tomatoes; (d) grow soya beans; (e) grow coconuts.
15.	To which of these people should the University offer an honorary degree? (a) Gideon Tait; (b) Trevor Richards ; (c( Dr. Sutch; (d) Jack Sullivan; (e) Patricia Bartlett
16.	If a group of students occupied the registry what would you do? (a) turn the fire hoses on them; (b) join them; (c) applaud their aims but deplore their methods; (d) stay in the Library; (e) Ring TV1 and tell them the news.
17.	Who should be the next person to talk in the Town Hall? (a) Colin King-Ansell; (b) Jons de Bres; (c) Bob Jones; (d) Reg Clough; (e) Fred Dagg.
18.	Which of these modern rock artists would you most like to have records of? (a) The Osmonds; lb) Julie Felix; (c) Neil Diamond; (d) David Bowie; (e) Frank Zappa.
19.	Which of the following social functions would you most like to attend? (a) a Capital Club Party; (b) an illustrated talk Red Star Rises: Pnom Penh '75'; (c) Mayoral cocktails (d) Charity banquet in aid of Ethiopian Famine Relief; (e) Streakers' Convention.
20.	This questionnaire is: (a) a Red Plot; (b) a CIA plot; (c) mind-stretching; (d) mind-bending; (e) mindless. How to work out your score For each (a) or (b) score 5 For each (c) or (d) score 3. For each (e), score 1;

If you scored between 70 and 100, you obviously hold very strong views. You are very concerned at the way things are going, and you'd like to make sweeping changes. You might well be a wild-eyed fanatic, a dangerous extremist, dogmatic, intransigent, and pig-headed. On the other hand, it's just as likely that you're firm, resolute and committed; a saint, a martyr, or the savour of the hour.

But that's not all. If you scored mostly (a)s you may be an ignorant reactionary, lack-booted phalangist, a rapacious face-grinder. Luckily however, there's a good chance that you're a bastion of all that we hold most dear, a stalwart defender of traditional vermes, a conservative in the best sense of the word.

You will Vote Liberal Reform if it still exists.

If, on the other hand, you scored mainly (b)s, some would call you an irresponsible maniac, a rabble-rousing subversive, an apostle of mob violence. Don't worry, just as many would describe you as a hero of the revolution, a herald of a new and glorious age, a liberator of the oppressed.

You will vote Labour, because it's important to do something.

If you scored between 40 and 69, you are a moderate. You avoid extremes, think before acting, and probably have unshakeable faith in the power of reason and discussion, though you think that force should be used as a last resort. Hence, you are either a reasonable, sensible person who refuses to be stampeded by the lunatic fringe, or a wishy-washy fence sitter, too chicken to commit yourself.

If you scored mostly (c)s, you will vote National, but with reservations about Mr Muldoon.

If you scored mostly (d)s, you will vote Labour, but with reservations about Mr Rowling.

If you scored mostly a mixture of (c)s and (d)s, you will vote Values. You are a Liberal, shunned by all decent men and women.

If you scored mostly a mixture of (a)s and (e)s or (b)s and (e)s, you are a dangerous schizophrenic. You will not be allowed to vote, thank God.

If you scored under 40, you very likely are the lunatic fringe - eccentric, irrational, irresponsible, anarchistic. Cheer up, though - you could be original, imaginative, visionary and lots of fun.

In the unlikely event of your remembering to register as a voter, getting the day right, and finding the polling station, you will vote informally.