Explosive Letter

I have a problem. Every time I sit down next to someone they fart. You may well laugh, but I assure you that in many cases it proves extremely unpleasant. Not only is the odour offensive, but often (and I have found this increasingly so recently) the unashamed producer of such an unmuffled explosion will with baffling sincerity and embarrassing loudness of voice accuse me of the disruption. It is this openess about it all that I find most distressing though no more distressing than the disgusting nature of the fart itself.

It is small wonder that one such as I find it particularly repugnant to have oneself labelled as the producer of such an antisocial device, especially in company. After all, there is no convincing way to counter such an embarrassing accusation and still retain one's dignity. One can either accept the responsibility for the recent outburst still lurking in the atmosphere or partake in a childish, not to mention inelegant 'who done it' controversy.

It is all the embarrassment involved with this distasteful activity that has caused 'permissive society' to allow the rather false security from shame that the unfortunate creators of such exhibitions now enjoy. I say false because I know from personal experience that I often cover my feelings of revulsion in order to save the culprit emnarrassment for I know he produced his rumbling creation in the mistaken belief that nobody minded and that it was a perfectly sociable practise.

Here we have the dilema which any responsible-thinking modern person must solve before unleashing his inner-most urges on the general public.

He must accurately analyse the feelings held by each person present and their likely reaction to his fart. Is he going to be ridiculed and abused or is he goint to be accepted? Is this acceptance, when he gets it, going to be sincere or will there be bad smells harboured against him? Will these bad smells be temporary, or will they eventually banish him from polite society. These are just some of the questions faced by the modern farter. It is a brave man indeed who will fart first and run the risk of harrassment later.

The point I'm trying to make is that if you're inclined to fart and I believe, (as we have all been taught to believe by our schools, after being taught differently by our parents), everyone is subject to this biological phenomean, then it is better all round if we know the reaction of society beforehand. This I believe will cause less strain on the nervous system and through regular training as opposed to the prevailing 'do it where you like' philosophy. The bowels, I believe will be advantaged. I have been told and indeed have learnt from personal experience that it is easier to develop really useful farst when not in fear of ridicule and disgust from fellow men.

Therefore I say let us again frown on farting in public and restrict its practise to rightful surroundings and hereby take a step towards stemming the flow of permissive society and saving ourselves from the sickening descent of society to general permissiveness, chaos and insanity.