SRC report

by John Henderson

Some were running, some were marching, others came on foot. But all had the same objective, the same common purpose — to get SRC approval for a function which they, for some reason call a drinking horn. This is a function in which patrons are invited (?) to drink a yard of beer in the shortest possible time. I don't know what a yard of beer is but it sounds menacing. I'll come to that later however. First things first and all that. (By the way, in case you hadn't noticed, this is another SRC report.)

The meeting started in the usual way, with apologies being drowsily accepted, and President Sacksen asking the masses for information as to the date. The fact that the date was clearly emblazoned on the minutes sheet apparently did not deter her from her ignorance. It was then decided that Petra Munckoff and Pip Desmond would go to the Women's convention. Nobody else applied (of course).

The first motion on the agenda was concerned with the confidentiality of students' records, and was moved by Pat Duignan's offsider, Margaret Fahy. At the mention of her name, the meeting went to sleep, so it missed our on one of the most uninspiring speeches I have heard in a long time. She described herself as being 'flaber-gasted' when a motion on the same topic was lost last week (I would have said 'pissed off' but on the other hand Margaret Fahy can't be expected to know every word in the English language), and also described John Roseveare as the kind of person who reads Truth. Terrible Insult.

Take heed, God may strike you any minute now.

The meeting reminded the delegates not to express their own viewpoints where SRC policy conflicts with their own opinions. A nasty thing to do. My policy on NUS, for instance, is exactly opposite to the Association's view. You can't win them all, as they say in the gangster movies.

I have been forced to rewrite this part of the report because it turned out to be libellous. Pity. The motion under discussion at this point was connected with the drinking horn. With the help of a few gentlemen at the back of the hall, it was finally decided that SRC would endorse drinking contests held at capping and that it would force a completely innocent Colin Feslier to drink a yard of beer. Anything like a yard of concrete?

The meeting then disintegrated into a trotbaiting exercise not worth reporting except for the fact that the microphone snuffed out when the trotskyites' latest frontman, Ian Westbrooke touched it. The motion being discussed at that time was one asking SRC for $60 to finance a tour by the black American feminist, Nan Bailey. It was roundly lost. The trots, incidentally, had the presumption and gall to place this $60 in their budget.

After a complete unknown called Sid Holmes had been elected as the insurance officer, and another subtly anti-Amos motion had been pushed through, the meeting lapsed for want of a quorum. All I can do, people, is to urge you once again to come along and make yourself heard. Please?

Paul Swain Saying a few Words at the SRC