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Salient. Victoria University Student Newspaper. Volume 36, Number 8. 19th April 1973

Letter from Cat Poisoner

Letter from Cat Poisoner

Dear Sirs,

How refreshing it is to come across a letter in your paper which is written by a real human being, rather than by a Socialist, Abortionist, Catholic, Malaysian. Christian, Liberationist or other egotistical bigot (e.g. Don Franks). I refer of course, to that gem of sarcasm and wit by Diane Hopper in reply to the account of my traumatic experience with an exploding can of pet food. Of course I worry about walls more than cats; after all, what use is a nine-year old paranoid ginger torn with no teeth, no balls and the most pathetic of miaows compared to a liquid-lightning sparkling clean kitchen wall (shines so brightly you can sec yourself in it).

I would also suggest, dear Diane, that whatever kind of meat I choose to feed to Oedipus, it would be 80% moisture whether it was beef, fish or human (see directions on can).

One further comment:- it is dangerous to make sweeping generalizations about students' values from the contents of a single letter by a single student (for Christ's sake). In fact, as a wall-loving cat hater, I am probably unique.

Yours with a loving kiss, The Phantom Chunderer.

[We are offering a year's free subscription to Salient for the best entry in a competition starting today and closing at the end of the week. All you have to do is write a short essay entitled "Why Don Franks is an Egotistical Bigot". We'd like to know - Eds]